Student Moans Company

2010-08-05T22:19:00.001+01:00

I have moved: http://holdonnowyoungster.blogspot.com/

2010-06-14T00:13:00.002+01:00

Well. Exams are over. University is over. I am glad about the lack of exams, and excited to break the cycle of having every January and June ever tarnished somewhat by their presence. I am slightly less glad, one might even say upset, at the lack of student discount I will now be able to get on clothes and bus travel. I am also sad about people moving out, and about the fact that as of tomorrow I will officially be adding to the UK Unemployment figures. It is all jobhunting ahoy at the minute, and that interview of course, although I am not holding out too much hope for it given that I am not exactly Miss Statistical Analysis 2010, and the main responsibility of the post is, in fact, statistical analysis. Still, I will give it my best shot. I can make dead colourful pie charts. Failing that, I am seriously considering applying for a vacancy at an explicit chatline. £15 an hour!

The weekend has been a mixed bag of celebrations (mostly) and awkwardness (a bit). Mainly the awkwardness involved my telling somebody that I think we should stop seeing each other, although he took it quite well, in fact I would almost go as far as to say he wasn't really bothered. So, I am once again on the rack of love. Still, it is not as if I am short of romantic opportunity. Last night we were chatted up by a man who looked around 50 but said he was 23. He was drinking whisky and coke and wearing bifocals. It was quite the sight to behold. He also offered me a job as a dog walker. My life is so full of glamour that it hurts.

After much weekend drinking and post-exam frivolity, it is now 00:24 on Monday the 14th of June. I think this means I have officially departed the world of studenthood and entered The Real World. I may even have to change the title of this blog. Gosh.

2010-06-09T00:25:00.002+01:00

No blog for the entire of May? What is going on? I just don't know. Maybe I was having a mentally stable month and didn't feel the need to blog. Anyway. I do now. Essays are all handed in. Exams are almost over. I am excited and frightened all at the same time. Frightened of not getting a job mostly. I am going to try really hard. Well, I am trying hard but exams get in the way a bit at the minute. I have an interview on the 15th June and I am petrified. Truly. I had to buy frumpy clothes and everything. Although on my travels I was recruited to a survey in which I was paid £10 for sniffing toothpaste, which eased the pain somewhat. I have been sort of seeing someone but I don't think I will be sort of seeing them for much longer because they have transpired to be a Film Line Repeater. Amongst other things. I think I am going to have to be mean. I don't want to be. But I suppose I'd rather be mean than bored. In other news, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

That is all.

2010-04-27T11:04:00.002+01:00

I am realising from the frequency and times which I write blog posts, that there is a positive correlation between the amount of work I have got to do and the amount of time I spend blogging. It is a shame my understanding of correlation starts and ends there, it really is, but that is a separate problem and one I shall not discuss here.

As it is almost a month since I last blogged, we are obviously going to lose some detail here, but I shall try my best to summarise the last month efficiently.

I suppose the most notable thing that has happened - notable for me, anyway - is that I passed my driving theory test. It sounds silly, but I felt happier about passing that than I probably have about any of my uni marks so far. I think it is because driving is useful in the 'real world', whereas in reality, an ability to write an 'in-depth' (or not, in my case) account of the functions of the cerebellum is not. Unless you are going to be a brain surgeon of course. Seeing as though you cannot be a brain surgeon unless you are medically trained, I often wonder why I must learn about the brain at all. It is not as if I am going to go poking around in any anytime soon.

Anyway, the theory test pass was a triumph, and also a surprise given my terrible hazard perception skills. In fact, only the other week my driving instructor told me that I DO NOT LOOK. Which I found quite offensive, because I do look, just perhaps not hard enough. I evidently looked hard enough at the computer screen anyway, managing to successfully spot several farmyard animals, and rogue fire engines and cyclists. Unfortunately, I am fairly sure my 'two hazard clip' had TWO sets of sheep on it, which I think is quite unfair. I saw the first set from quite far off, and quite smugly hit the mouse a few times, just to make sure it had registered and so on. After passing the sheep, I kind of stopped paying attention and waited for the next clip to load, when I noticed the car on the screen had come to a stop (which I had not told it to) because there were yet more sheep in front of it. Bloody countryside.

That aside, I have spent pretty much the entire of the past fortnight in a kind of alcoholic haze. Until last night, I'm not sure I'd had an alcohol-free day in two weeks. In and amongst all of this drunken business there has been more boy escapades - realatively successful this time, which makes a change - although I would like to issue a word of warning to all of the girls out there: no matter how much something takes you by surprise in a bedroom situation, never utter the words "Jesus Christ". Just saying. Anyway, this boy is shy in the pub but not in my room, which I find quite unusual, but I suppose I can't complain too much. I probably will, though, but whatever.

There have also been uncomfortable reunions with the ghosts of willies past. Mostly in clubs we should probably stop going to if we ever want to have 'normal' lives again. In a particularly bad taxi-sharing incident on Saturday, I - and everyone else in the taxi - thought I was going to get snogged by one of them. Luckily, it was just a sloppy peck on the cheek, however he had grabbed both of my hands so if it had been anything else I would have been pretty powerless.

I am sure there have been other things, though what they might be I can't think now. I really need to get ready for my lecture now. It is American Larry today. He reminds me of a member of NSync, only older and possibly a bit more camp. He also dims the lights in the lecture theatre when he is giving lectures and consequently I find it intensely difficult to stay awake when he is talking. I have had one coffee today and I may have another if I've got time, so hopefully I will not fall asleep again whilst I am meant to be learning about brains.

2010-03-28T00:07:00.000Z

Gosh. I never did go for a long walk after I posted that last blog. What I did end up doing was clearing out my entire room. It was kind of simultaneously therapeutic and horrifying. I am bloody glad I did it though, because my parents want to decorate my room to be more neutral and what-not because a) I am too old for a room that would be well suited to Malibu Barbie and b) at some point in the not-too-distant future it will likely end up as a guest room: guests don't like shocking pink. Anyway, I'm glad I did it myself, because if I hadn't, they would have ended up doing it and then they would have found what I did lurking in one of my box files. Christ. Honestly, I was physically disgusted. Whatever you are thinking it was, it is probably much, MUCH worse than that. Christ. At least all evidence of my teenage mishaps is now (hopefully) officially banished from my bedroom now.

In a way, my terrible discovery propelled me to do a few worthwhile things. Mainly booking my driving theory test. If I can pass it, at least it will be something out of the way. If I don't, it is £31 down the proverbial shitter, but what can you do? I can only try. I haven't told my parents yet, and I don't think I will unless I pass, as if I failed, I would not hear the end of it off my dad.

To be fair I'm not sure they would be that interested in my theory test anyway, there is trouble brewing here and it doesn't involve me. It is my mum's birthday on Monday and I am hoping that distracts everyone. I am also hoping I can find her a decent present in town tomorrow. I should have gone shopping today, really, but when I awoke for the first time at middayish, I was far too weak to move, which considering I wasn't drunk last night, I thought was a bit unfair. Anyway the next thing I knew it was 3pm, and by the time I'd got to town the shops would have been shut. Last night was an experience though. And one I don't wish to re-live. Ever. I recognised people that were out from my sister's year at school. Bad times. Also there was a man walking round with a basket of mini chocolate eggs, and with hindsight I am wondering if he was some sort of paedophilic Easter bunny wannabe. I am glad his chocolates were individually wrapped.

So now tomorrow I need to get up early and go get my mother the most amazing present. I just don't know what. Ho hum. Perhaps nothing too extravagant, I tried to help out by making her tea (I say making, she was having a ready meal curry, I just put it in the oven) for her and getting her wine and washing up and she asked me why I was "behaving so odd", so I wouldn't want to get her a present so great that she fainted with shock or anything.

I only hope I am more successful at getting up tomorrow than I was today. I should really go to sleep soon, especially since the clocks are going forward, but since I have logged in to my computer and managed to give myself The Fear again, I'm not sure how easy it will be. I don't even know what I'm afraid of. The internet always manages to make it worse though. I wish I could just go to sleep at night, like a normal person, instead of pissing about on the internet and THINKING. One day I will think that little bit too much and actually book myself a flight to New York or something instead of just wistfully thinking about it. Must not. Can't afford anyway to be fair, but still. My fingers are very independent little things sometimes.

2010-03-23T03:01:00.002Z

This isn't good. I have only been at home for about 3 days and my sleeping pattern is already the envy of every owl, badger and bat to ever exist. I am almost perfectly nocturnal. Last night, I went to sleep at 4am and awoke in the afternoon at 2pm. The day before that I slept from 5am until 3pm. What is going on?

I think it is mostly my lack of inclination to get up in the mornings, actually. I am terrible. Especially when I have no to-do list. I am going to start making them again. Not tonight though, as I am still wide awake and so anything I put on a to-do list which involved getting up before midday would probably be ruined. Rubbish. The day after, though.

It may also have something to do with there being nothing good in for breakfast actually. Having said that, I did find a jar of Nutella today. Something I had never eaten before and presumed I wouldn't like, but it was quite nice. I may have to live off Nutella for the forseeable future soon, actually. I'm not sure what is going on with the fridge situation and I don't like to dictate food choices, but there is no cheddar, and by the looks of things not much food in general. Other than condiments all I could find in the fridge before was a slice of ham, some houmous which may have been off, and some egg salad that has been in there since Friday. I can only hope someone is going shopping soon. Also, whenever I do go downstairs, I get subjected to bloody property programmes. And today when I woke up, the first thing to happen to me was a nosebleed.

On reflection, perhaps my decision to stay in bed all day is a good one.

Tomorrow, I am going for a walk. A long one. And from there on, I am going to use this time off uni to sort my life out and enrich myself somehow. Now I must try to go to sleep. The end.

2010-03-22T00:30:00.002Z

Gosh. It has been a while. I don't know why I point this out every time I blog, as it has always been a while. I should really try harder.

Anyway, my dissertation is now done. In fact, it has been done for a whole week. It was all a bit of an anti-climax actually. I am glad it is gone, as if I had to see the words "specific phobia" or "process simulation" many more times I think I would have gone mental. In the end up it wasn't so bad to write, but there are only so many times you can write the same phrase before you start to lose the will to live. Really I am now a bit freaked out that I have probably written the biggest piece of work I will ever have to, and even though it's a good thing, it means I am getting ever closer to the point where I will have to do something with my life. I just don't know what I am going to do, or how, or where. I am going to start job hunting soon. Scary stuff. There are so many things I'd like to do with my life but they all require money or experience, or both. So I suppose job hunting is a good place to start.

Nothing exciting has really happened recently, you will all be disappointed to know. Usually I have some kind of tale of horror or something. Although the other week there was a brief exchange with a Welsh boy who turned out to be pretty terrible. I then spent an entire night in a club dancing away from both him, and from the Caving Boy I spent a while not er, "caving", with, before Christmas. And away from a dwarf who once licked me. None of this ever really goes anywhere really though. Well except away from people I suppose. I have come to the conclusion that I need some excitement. And soon.

2010-03-04T00:35:00.003Z

Strewth. Despite my best efforts to a) convince people at university that I am not stupid, b) not catch one of the many ailments which appears to be going round the student population (or even just, our house) and c) not get in any more arguments after last week, I appear to have failed at all three.

To be fair, the argument was not really my fault but it was a massive waste of my time, energy and more importantly life. And actually catching a cold probably wasn't really my fault either, given that I have been washing my hands left right and centre, washing my cutlery twice, and changing channels with my sleeves. I am still annoyed though, this is a very inconvenient time to be poorly. I can only hope that it is going to get better rather than worse. I have eaten 6 of my 5-a-day today, so I am relatively hopeful. I thought I may morph in to a female version of Popeye upon finishing off my grapes, but it seems 5-a-day is yet another Government scheme which will ultimately only disappoint. Atchoo.

The stupidity thing though, is totally my own fault. However, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that I chose to do a psychology degree, not a maths degree, and certainly not a statistics degree. I know what statistics mean once they are in front of me, but I have been running stats tests on SPSS like a headless statistician chicken. I really don't know what any of it means, and so on. This is hindering my progress rather. In the end I sent off what is probably a whole load of incorrect numerical diarrhea to my supervisor and am now waiting to probably get an e-mail back confirming that I am, indeed, thick. I have also got to do a presentation about my project on Friday, and so I am going to look quite the idiot if my results are indeed wrong.

Never mind though. I am past caring, to be quite honest. I am sick of being judged. We had to talk about our earliest memories in a workshop the other day, and I recounted mine to my group - it basically involves my almost choking on one of those sticky stars that you have to lick to stick them on to things - anyway, it did start to sound a bit like a tale of child abuse when I started talking about my mother hitting me on the back...but that was not where the judgement was made, oh no. I then said "she wouldn't let me put small things in my mouth for ages", meaning skittles and smarties and so on, and Nathan sniggered, so I said "to be honest that is advice I think I have carried with me for the rest of my life". IT WAS A JOKE (well, kind of) and the girl opposite us looked at me as though I had just done a poo in the middle of the room. Maybe next time I will.

Anyway, I don't really know where I was going with this. People at uni take everything and themselves too seriously and I am not going to be a party to it. I am just going to be a party. I might even go to my presentation in fancy dress. If I wore a full body suit, at least when I got criticised nobody would see me going red and I could mouth swear words to myself. Hmm.

2010-03-01T02:27:00.002Z

This week has ended better than last week did, though only just. A strange man felt my breasts and told me they were normal, which is always good to know. I helped a 16 year old boy with a maths test and couldn't remember how to do long division; in fact I am not sure I ever knew. There has been a gig, two nights out and a bacon and cheese burger. There has also been a few kerfuffles but I will not go in to those.

Today I decided to clean the kitchen but on completion, read the Dettol bottle and realised it was actually mould and mildew remover and the small print said "keep away from food contact surfaces". I then had to douse down the surfaces with warm water and Mr Muscle over them. You can practically see your face in the table now, but I was high as a kite for at least an hour after. It is only a blessing that by the time we got an unexpected knock on the door from a Police Community Support Officer asking about our experiences of policing in the area (to which one of my insightful responses was "erm...we see the helicopter quite often"...it was all I could do to stop myself ask for a ride in it) that the effects (and the smell) of the bleach had worn off, or else I would have probably been arrested for substance abuse. Well, citizens arrested anyway.

Tonight I have mostly been drinking camomile tea and trying to read journal articles. Tomorrow I am going to MASH. Sadly there will be no mash there, only maths and statistical help. Then I am getting exam results. All of this is making me really not want to get out of bed tomorrow but I will. I have got eggs for breakfast! Which reminds me, I must go shopping this week. A Wetherspoons burger aside, I cannot remember the last time my tea did not consist of pasta. I will turn in to a pasta twist if I am not careful.

2010-02-22T00:37:00.002Z

I was going to write a blog but actually I'm not sure I am in the correct frame of mind. All I can do is think about how far away I would like to go if I could afford to. Not forever, mind. Just for a holiday. I just feel like I can't breathe. Not literally, because otherwise I would be dead, and that wouldn't be good, would it?

No it wouldn't is the answer to that rhetorical question. I thought I was going to die in the shower yesterday and it wasn't bloody pleasant, I can tell you that for free. I can only hope that I do not have any more funny turns whilst in the shower because my mother has seen me naked already, she did give birth to me after all, but if I happened to shout for the assistance of one of my housemates in such a situation it would be slightly more embarrassing.

I went out last night. It was quite good. It actually made me think I am growing up a bit because I managed not to get totally drunk and make a fool of myself for once. I distinctly remember thinking to myself at one point that I was being quite sensible and measured. This is all very boring of course but if nothing else it meant that myself and Kieron very nearly won a game of itbox Monopoly. Which is about as rare an event as actually getting a prize from one of those hooky-hand machines at the seaside.

The rest of the weekend has mostly consisted of my reading about phobias for my dissertation - not very much mind you, eating miniature chocolate bars, eating yummy things and drinking a lot of wine. Which ended up on Friday night with myself and my parents having a terribly unusual conversation about Babestation. What was probably the most unusual thing about the whole thing to me is that they have seen it.

I can't really think of anything else that has happened. I'm sure there are things, like for instance last weekend when we went out, we bumped in to some boys that we used to er, know, and then we danced with some more boys - well men I suppose really, I'm fairly sure they are about 30 - and then danced so vigorously that Cat ended up on the floor and so on, which was pretty spectacular, but I should obviously start blogging more frequently in order that I can recall more interesting information about such events.

Lectures have been rubbish, naturally. None of them are very interesting this term. I don't suppose they have ever been really, although a new feature for this particular set is that they actually make me a bit angry. "How can we tell when people are mad?" is a serious question which was put to me by a supposed clinical psychologist the other week. It was all I could do when he kept interjecting himself to ask if anybody had any questions not to raise my hand and ask "is mad a technical term these days then, Graham?". But I didn't. And if it's not the lecturers, it's the other people in them. We got told about a case study which was basically the kind of thing which I assumed most people who wanted to go in to clinical psychology (which incidentally I really don't and these lectures only serve to put me off it further) would expect to deal with quite often. Badly behaved kids, parents who don't know what to do with them, family arguments, and so on and so forth. When the lecturer said that the mother of the children was one of her favourite people to work with, one of the ignorant tits on the row in front who obviously doesn't understand the meaning of the term case study either piped up "facking (yes, facking) hell, I thought she made that up". I am so sick of university. So, so sick.

I am not especially looking forward to next week, or at least the beginning part of it, but I am hoping things will pick up towards the weekend.

This is beginning to sound like a weather forecast. I'll shut up now.

2010-02-08T00:40:00.002Z

Well, the exam period passed relatively uneventfully. There is a distinct possibility I have failed at least one of my modules, but there is no use crying over spilt milk, is there? And no time for it either really.

5 weeks, 15,000 words, 1 girl. And unfortunately, as of today, that girl is me. I cannot even say how phenomenally drunk and happy I am going to get when I have handed in the D-word (this is what I am going to begin referring to my dissertation as, as of now). Currently all I have got is thousands of numbers in an assortment of Excel files and somehow I am going to have to decipher what I may be able to refer to as findings from them all. We all know I am bad with numbers. I would even go as far as to say terrible. Thus I am hoping that my supervisor is going to tell me what to do with them this week. For I cannot write another one of those 15,000 words until I know what they mean.

Word counts and work and other terribleness aside, things are not so bad. I have had a very drunken, and quite fun weekend. The highlight of which was probably on Friday when we were serenaded as a group from the floor of the Leadmill by two boys who with hindsight had probably been taking illegal substances.

Lectures begin again tomorrow and I do not really want to go, but in a futile attempt to psych myself up for them a little, I decided I would rummage through the boxes in my room to find folders, pens, paper and such, which may be of use. I did find a folder, and some plastic wallets, but I also found the following:

A sachet of ID Glide lubricant; a rape alarm; a cable for which I do not know the use; a birthday card for which I do not know the intended recipient; a bookmark; a 2-pack of Durex 'elite' ('ultra fine, ultra lubricated') with one missing; a t-shirt from a bar crawl that has 'Sally loves girls and their breasticles' written on it, and a penis drawn on it, in marker pen - and last but by no means least, some ink cartridges. I don't even have a printer.

So, obviously I am feeling well psyched up for lectures now. And not at all bemused by the assortment of highly incriminating and/or useless items I just discovered in my room. Dear me.

2010-01-19T23:44:00.003Z

I have been back in Sheffield since Sunday. It all started very nicely, with the pub, and pints, and "sharer" chips with cheese and bacon to ourselves.

It appears to be taking a slight dip at present, with spending two hours of my life asking people questions about salad earlier today (although I will get paid for it so cannot complain too much) and now the bathroom cabinet seemingly attempting to detach itself from the wall. First it was the radiator that fell off, and now this. I am beginning to suspect that invisible chimpanzees have been swinging from the bathroom fittings. Perhaps even gorillas. Ham-handed ones at that. As long as it can keep itself fixed to the wall (touch wood, fingers crossed) until tomorrow, hopefully the landlord will come and salvage the situation. Speaking of the landlord, he turned up today, unannounced, and with an estate agent. I returned from my salad questionnaire-ing to find the front door wide open and his van parked outside. For a short moment I thought we may have been burgled. By someone with a key. He was looking out for traffic wardens, apparently. There is a window, but each to their own. He did bleed the radiators though, and my room is a bit warmer now, so I wasn't really too bothered.

I also have an exam on Thursday. I would really rather not have, but I am feeling fairly calm about it. Not that I think I am going to do amazingly well or anything. I am just not letting myself succumb to the stress. I am hoping it will pay off and stop me having a blind panic in the exam. Last time that happened I forgot how to draw a graph. So far I feel much calmer than usual and I think it is helping. I almost went in to a trance yesterday.

Apart from the cupboard/exam situation though, things are alright here. I think John is coming round on Thursday night, which will be nice, and I am hoping he will bring some white wine and trade for a bottle of rose. And the weekend should be fun. I have missed going out in Sheffield so badly. I can't wait.

2010-01-14T00:14:00.002Z

Hmmm. I have come over all funny. I think it is because I am listening to Maximo Park, which I have not done for a while. Either way, consequently I just went on a hunt for beer in the garage (which currently has no light bulb). Now I am sat on my bed drinking Stella and contemplating. I am not sure what I am contemplating. Or perhaps I am, but I would rather not say. Mostly because it makes no sense. I have got an overwhelming urge to be naughty. I keep getting odd text messages and they do not really help. Especially since they are from people that I would really rather not get them from (actually that's a lie, I am just trying to make myself come across as conscientious).

I can feel my old ways returning to me. All of them actually. Which is a good thing I suppose. I've missed the naughty me. Apart from the whole bad naughtiness thing. And I suppose I had even been missing that, a little bit. I have been feeling very positive lately actually. I think I have been taking my New Years Resolutions quite seriously. I have certainly been doing more. And being more naughty. I have already equalled my 2009 naughtiness record, which is pretty good going if you ask me. And now I am drinking more too. Stella is not as bad as I remembered it to be. And I have also been eating more. More pizza mostly, actually. I had some pizza that wasn't even supposed to be mine earlier today. I think my dad was secretly annoyed. I can't think of anything else to do more of right now. Sleep, maybe? That is unlikely though. I have been being a bit nicer too, now I come to think of it. I can't recall arguing with anyone in the past week or so. With the possible exception of my driving instructor when I swerved to avoid some crows. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING MATE? YOU CAN'T SWERVE TO AVOID CROWS". "Sorry!! I thought you were only allowed to run pigeons over?". Oh dear.

I don't really know where I am going with this anymore. Writing it has calmed me down somewhat, though. Despite the naughty thoughts and Maximo Park listening, I am feeling more calm about life in general than I have for ages. I think I have realised that you just have to take things as they come. So from now on, I will be doing that. Life is too short. My old form tutor died the other day. He was so lovely. And he also used to always tell everybody to eat cheese. Anyway, to me that is an example of how life is too short to worry and so on. Life is for having fun. There is always another way.

Christ I am starting to sound like Oprah sodding Winfrey. And also I have no idea what I am going on about anymore. I will stop now.

2010-01-10T22:35:00.003Z

Up until yesterday, this week had been a bit of a nothing week. Mostly due to the snow. One good thing about it is that it did force me in to doing a little bit of work. Only a bit mind you, but it is better than nothing. However, the snow has not been so great in other ways. I have barely moved. Until Friday I had no sensible footwear (I purchased some wellies on Thursday night) and due to the several inches of snow the only sensible way to go anywhere was in my dad's car. I think I have lost any muscle mass I may have had.

Yesterday things got slightly more interesting. All I will say is that one of my New Year's resolutions has got off to a better start than I anticipated.

I was hoping that this week I would be able to do lots of stuff but apparently there is going to be more heavy snow! Will it ever stop, I wonder? Are we entering a second Ice Age? Still, I have got my wellies now so even if the buses are not running, I can take myself for a snowy walk without getting frostbite in the toe department.

In other news, somebody I went to school with posted loads of photos that he took of it on Facebook.

This is the precise spot where I had my first ever snog:

That took me back. If only I knew then about all the people I would later snog. I would probably have gone in to hiding. But that would have been no fun.

Hi 2010!

2010-01-04T00:05:00.004Z

First post of the year. Probably won't be very poignant but ah well.

I brought in the New Year in Sheffield, in the academy, with Cat, which was very fitting considering I have probably spent the most hours of my life on average in there with Cat than I have anywhere else this year - excluding time spent in the house, obviously. It was good. We saw some of our more wild male friends there too, and ended up accompanying them for guitar hero in one of the rooms upstairs. I actually ended up "playing guitar" at one point. Failed that song, obviously. It was a good night and we didn't even end up paying double time in any of the taxis. Or having to walk home. Which was a bonus.

I got totally stood up on Wednesday by the Caver I previously mentioned, which was rude. But that was last year now, so I will not go in to that except to say that I shall just have to locate a new conquest soon, with a more normal hobby, and actually I quite enjoyed watching Waterloo Road without any interruptions. Still though, rude. But also totally last year, so never mind.

I returned from Sheffield yesterday and went to Taaryn's 21st where I almost burnt my mouth off with a samosa and Amy knocked over a plant. It was good.

Today I have mostly been watching the football (unusual but not bad), watching freeview, eating the yummiest tea ever, and watching videos about needle phobia that somebody I have never met before sent me on a very long-winded e-mail. From this I have learnt two things: Paul McKenna is a dick, and never watch videos on youtube with the words "needle phobia" in the title as it will probably involve some poor person hysterically crying whilst somebody pins them down or is generally mean to them, and eventually sticks a needle in them. Christ. It didn't really help at all with my dissertation either, but kind of made me feel like I had been trying.

And there is nothing more to report, really. I have just realised midnight has now passed and so we are now on the first proper day of the year. I am so glad that the world has now (hopefully) returned back to normal. It feels like Christmas has dragged this year. Not that I especially have anything against Christmas, but you can only take so much lazing around and so many gatherings with turkey sandwiches etc.

2009-12-29T01:33:00.002Z

Arghh this is ridiculous. My average time of going to bed since I have been at home is probably 5am. Why?? I have not had such a terrible sleeping pattern since first year. I can understand how it happened at first, particularly after my birthday when I slept for most of the day, what I fail to understand though is that the past two days I have deliberately got up early (if you can call 10am early) and still I am sat here, wide awake. I wish I could say I have been spending all of the hours that I have been awake doing something useful but, well, I haven't.

I did buy a notebook today though - with the intention of using it to make notes in for my dissertation - as yet it remains unopened but it is the sentiment that counts. I gained yet more stupid points by going to town to use the bank without realising it was a bank holiday. Are they called bank holidays because the banks are on holiday or is that just a marvellous coincidence? I have no idea. Anyway. I am going to have to go back to town tomorrow again now because I still have to pay some cheques in and also because I bought a jumper in the sale - after getting physically stuck in a top in the changing room and spending at least 3 minutes trying to wriggle my way out of it in the style of Harry pissing Houdini - and the lady in the shop left the electronic tag on it by accident. Or maybe on purpose because I spent so long holding up the changing room queue, who knows.

Other than the aforementioned activities all I have really been doing at home is a bit of dodgy texting. I shouldn't have really done it. In fact, I have sent two sets of dodgy texts really. Never mind though, as both sets have resulted in a total lack of dodginess so far. My More Naughtiness plan is so far very much still stuck on the ground. I have also been making my way through the ginormous box of Thornton's chocolates I got for Christmas. They are very yummy but get tiresome after a while. Oh - and today I have also been avoiding getting too close to my little sister - bless her - because she spent all of last night throwing up. Luckily, this occurred at somebody elses house and not ours (well, I suppose it was unlucky for them), but I am not taking any chances. I have purchased New Years Eve tickets now and I am not having my week jeapordized by vomit. She has perked up significantly after a long sleep and a jacket potato though, so I am hopeful that the worst is over. Hopeful being the operative word because I am in the room closest to her and if she wakes up ill in the middle of the night I will be her first port of call.

I really need to go to sleep soon. I don't know what is so hard about it. Perhaps it is alcohol withdrawal causing all this dodgy sleep business? I have heard that it can, and I have not managed more than a glass of wine in a night since the fateful drinking habits I employed last Tuesday. Well I will soon be rectifying that one if it is anyway. I am very much looking forward to going back to Sheffield for a bit on Wednesday. I have missed it.

2009-12-27T01:30:00.004Z

Annual Quiz Time!

Yes or no. In 2009 have you...
Broken a promise? Not that I recall. This probably has more to do with the fact that I very rarely make promises, or indeed use the word 'promise', than my being a nice person though.
Made a new best friend? No. I am happy with the ones I have got, really. I suppose I have made new friends or at least acquaintances though, which is always nice.
Fallen in love? Ha! No.
Fallen out of love? I wasn't in love to begin with, so no.
Done something you swore never to do? Ummm. Don't think so. I mean, I probably have sworn never to drink again a few times but that never lasts anyway. Thank God.
Lied? Yes. Usually it is only white lies, but they are lies all the same.
Stole? No.
Went behind your parent's back? No.
Done something that you will never forget? Yes. I have quite a good memory to be honest. Mostly it is a good thing but sometimes I wish I could unsee things.
Gone out with more then 10 people? No.
Cried over a broken heart/or your own? No.
Cried yourself to sleep? Yes. I don't know why.
Kissed someone you loved? Hmmm no. Well, if I did then it was only on the cheek.
Lost a pet? If I only had a pet to lose.
Disappointed someone close? Yes.
Hidden a secret? I am always hiding secrets. I am really good at it. Nothing major, though.
Pretended to be happy? Yeah. I mean, not loads or anything. But sometimes it is easier, particularly since half the time I feel grumpy it is for no apparent reason.
Got arrested? No.
Kissed in the rain? I don't really remember. I don't think so.
Slept under the stars? No.
Kept your new years resolution? I don't think I was bad at them this year but obviously I will have probably broken them all at some point.
Forgot your new years resolution? To be honest yes, I can't remember them now. There was something about positive counter thoughts I think. Possibly something about volunteering. I was quite good at those ones. The others are probably the ones I didn't keep.
Met someone who changed your life? I don't think I have met anybody new that changed my life, no.
Met one of your idols? No.
Gotten in a fist fight? No. Although, I think I have come close.
Did something you regret? Nothing huge. Ha.
Lost something you will never get back? Can't think of anything. Well, apart from money for rent and bills and so on.
Changed your outlook on life? I suppose a little bit. It changes a bit all the time.
Pretended to be sick? No.
Left the country? NO. This makes me SAD.
Almost died? No.
Given up something important to you? I have tried to. I am working on it.
Lost something expensive? Not that I can think of.
Ate a whole box of ice cream? Yes. I had a full tub of Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough when I was poorly and it was amazing.
Learned something new about yourself? Suppose.
Lost a friend? I am beginning to think I might have. Such is life.
Got a new job? No. WOE!
Tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it? Erm. Driving?
Started a new trend? No.
Pretended you were a lion? No. I did pretend to be a gorilla once though when I misheard Cat's use of the word guerrilla.
Wanted to be a lion? No.
Redid your wardrobe? Well, I've bought new clothes but I wouldn't say I redid my wardrobe.
Made a change in your life? Little ones I guess.
Found out who your true friends were? I already knew but I suppose things make it more obvious sometimes.
Made a total fool of yourself? Probably. I don't tend to remember it though which is probably a good thing.
Met great people? Totally.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Um. Made lasagne?
Oh! And had driving lessons.
Ha. And sent a rather dodgy MMS. All in the name of naughtiness you understand. Oh dear. Actually it was more funny than dodgy. At least to me it was anyway. I'll stop now.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I kind of did. And I already have.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully.
5. What countries did you visit?
I have not even left this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Just more of everything really. More drink, more fun, more food, more dance, more sun, more jobs, more naughtiness. Etc etc.
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don't remember specific dates, really. I will remember my birthday party, for what it's worth that was on the 22nd December. I also won't forget many other things, most of them are not that significant though. Being thrown around in Leadmill, being possibly caught on CCTV in a very...very unusual position, crying at a party, good nights out, unusual nights out, getting groped by a doctor - and before anyone thinks I am having a seedy affair with my GP it was not inappropriate, taking my hands off the wheel in a driving lesson, etc etc.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Hmm. I suppose I passed my second year exams. I stuck out 6 weeks of call centre again. Confronted people about things which I am normally too scared to. Bills and being a twat and stuff. Keeping out of my overdraft.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Being a bit of a bitch sometimes. Stubborn-ness. Grumpiness.
This makes me sound awful, I'm not like that all the time I swear!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I've had the odd bruise and high heel imprint on my foot, which is to be expected when you are me. I may or may not have had swine flu, it was probably just a bad cold though. I had alleged tonsilitis which probably wasn't tonsilitis at all but then the penicillin made me feel ill.
In the grand scheme of things though I have had good health and can't complain. Even though I just did a bit.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Hmm. Gig tickets, alcohol, train tickets, club entry.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Appalled and depressed is taking it a bit far. Sometimes people in clubs appall me I suppose. Like the boy that pushed us all. Sometimes the behaviour of certain people baffles and annoys me, but I wouldn't say it depresses me.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and bills. Closely followed by food and alcohol.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Awful old housemate moving out of the Loveshack, Katie moving in to the Loveshack, seeing Maximo Park, some nights out, visits to places, etc. Though, I don't really ever get really, really, really excited. Maybe one really suffices on most occasions.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Erm. Close to Me because I like it and they always play it in Leadmill, Bonkers because I like it and I went to see Dizzee Rascal and they always play it in clubs, In Another World (You Would've Found Yourself By Now) because I like it and I went to see Maximo Park and I have a vivid memory of getting back and sticking my head out of my roof and listening to it whilst watching the sun go down. It was moving. Probably loads more but those are the ones that spring to mind. Oh, and Cornerstone by the Arctic Monkeys. I don't really want to explain that one.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Hmm. I'm going to go with happier. I am grumpier, but that doesn't mean I am sadder.
b) Thinner or fatter? I am really not sure. Bit thinner maybe. Either way I am aiming to be a little bit fatter soon because my boobs have also got smaller and stuff. Which is never good, is it?
c) Richer or poorer? Marginally richer.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Holidaying, naughty-ing, having more good nights out.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Grumping, arguing, staying in England, having unusual nights out.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my mum, dad, and sister, in the house. With Christmas dinner and disappointing television.
22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Nah.
23. How many one-night stands?
None.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Tough question, but probably Waterloo Road.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
26. What was the best book you read?
I don't think I've really read many. I am going to go with Living With Fear, which is a 30-odd year old book I got out of the funny smelling library the other week. I was supposed to be getting it out for dissertation research but ended up pissing myself over the chapter about sexual anxiety instead. I mean, really, since when was "petting" a normal or even inoffensive way to describe female masturbation?!
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I haven't listened to that much new music, really.
28. What did you want and get?
Ah loads I suppose. I have been alive and well all year and happy for most of it.
29. What did you want and not get?
Hmmmm. Nothing too important. Just a bit of er, turgidity, mostly.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I haven't really seen any. I saw Paranormal Activity but that was shit. Oh, I remember now. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince! How could I forget?!
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 21. On my actual birthday I was mostly sprawled on my bed feeling nauseaous and sorry for myself, but the night before that I had a party and from what I remember it was good.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Heh. Immeasurably, eh? I reckon I could measure it, I reckon about 6 inches would do.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Sparkly?
34. What kept you sane?
Friends, alcohol, dancing.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Umm. I don't know really. Hugh Grant? Only because I have accidentally ended up watching far too many romantic comedies with him in. I just find them depressing these days. This does not change the fact that I would shag him, though.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I have given up on caring. It is all shit.
37. Who did you miss?
All of my friends at some point probably.
38. Who was the best new person you met in 2009?
Hmm. New Simon in the call centre was lovely. PVC pants boy was a character. And certain friends of his are nice. They bring spice to Saturday nights, anyway.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Chill OUT.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I don't think one could to be honest.

2009-12-26T01:43:00.006Z

Ho ho ho. Merry Christmas!

It has been a poor show on my part actually. I am not even drunk! In fact, all I have had to drink is half a glass of wine. I am really hoping I have not put myself off wine permanently. Lack of alcohol aside it has not been a bad day. There was a brief argument but it is Christmas, so I suppose it is pretty much obligatory. There has been lots of yummy food and I have got lots of nice presents. I have also got money and vouchers, so I have been doing lots of perving on the online sales. Christmas always makes me feel a bit weird though, and given that there are only 5 days left in the year I have been busy thinking up New Year's resolutions. They are as follows:

1. Stress less
I have come to realise that stressing out about things never ever ever makes anything better and I do it far too often. So in 2010 I will not do this. Either a thing can be made better or it can't. If it can't, it is not worth worrying about, and if it can, I should be sorting it out instead of worrying about it. And if my overactive stress response kicks in I am heading straight for the vodka!

2. Do more
Just more things in general. Going to the pub and going out at night and going shopping and perhaps even going on nice civilised daytime outings too. Drinking more, eating more, being merry more, etc etc. It is boring not doing stuff.

3. Be more naughty
I have been far, far too good this year; and possibly the year before too. It has been so long since I was properly naughty that I have lost track. From now on, if an opportunity for naughtiness comes knocking I am going to take it. I have got nothing to lose, after all. I would say my shame but I haven't got much of that left anyway.

4. Be more pro-active
I suppose I am going to have to enter the real world at some point this year, which is going to mean looking for grown up things like a proper job and work experience and places to live and so on....and I am going to mean business.

5. Stop being grumpy
I don't know what has been wrong with me lately but I haven't half had the hump. Every time I feel myself getting irritated or horrible from now on I am going to count to 10, take a deep breath and be nice. Unless, of course, someone is genuinely deserving of my grumpiness. Which in reality is probably very rare.

6. Go on holiday!!
This could have come under the 'Do more' heading but I felt it was too important and deserved its own title. I have not been on holiday since I was 16 and I am desperate for some sunshine! I am determined that at some point this year I will be sat on a beach, in a country other than England (and I do not mean Wales!), drinking cocktails.

I think that is it for now. I have a funny feeling they are probably the complete opposite to the resolutions I made at the end of 2007, but I think 2007 was probably the most exciting year I have had to date. Perhaps I would even go as far as to say it was misguided of me to try and start behaving myself. Whatever, anyway. Onwards and bloody upwards. 2010 is going to be a good year. There are no two ways about it.

2009-12-24T18:58:00.002Z

Well. Here I am. 21 years of age and still alive (just!). My birthday celebrations were quite successful. At least, from what I remember they were. In the daytime I spent so long making three entire pots of chilli con carne and also having a driving lesson in the snow (and I went on a dual carriageway, which was pretty terrifying), that all I managed to consume foodwise before the festivities began was two slices of toast and a cheese sandwich. Consequently I was half cut before the party even started as I got all jittery and decided it would be a good idea to glug down several plastic cups full of wine. Thankfully when I started to feel unusual about half an hour later somebody was sensible enough (Cat, I think) to persuade me that a tuna mayonnaise sandwich would not, in fact, make me feel worse, and a few sandwiches and bits of fish pie (yummier than it sounds) later I felt a bit less drunk again. For a while at least.

I was a little bit overwhelmed (it doesn't take much) but I managed to shimmy around a bit and speak to people without making too much of a dick of myself. I think. Anyway, I had a very nice time and drank a lot of wine. There are bits of the night that are hazy but I think I have at least a vague recollection of most of it. The highlight was probably somebody putting on a fake Cockney accent and reciting homemade poetry, telling everybody who wanted to know that his penis was, in fact, a warzone. Only one person threw up, and there is still some wine left in the house (no thanks to me!) so all in all I think we came out quite well. I am quite disappointed that I have no recollection of going to bed, or apparently spooning Cat, but my mother brought us a carton of wine at the end of the night and any chance we had of sobering up pretty much ended there and then.

Due to having such a wine-fuelled night, I spent most of my actual birthday curled up in a ball wanting to die, and was unable to finish the fish and chips I was brought for my tea, but it was worth it. I have only just returned to tummy related normality today actually, and am very much looking forward to my Christmas Eve tea of pie and peas. I was going to go to a party for a little bit but we had yet more snow last night and our street has not been gritted this time around, so I do not think a taxi would make it back up here later on. So instead I think I shall be drinking Baileys with the Barkers. If I can stomach it anyway, I've not thought about alcohol just yet, food was my main priority as soon as I stopped feeling like death.

I have got lots of lovely presents, including a pop up willy, two very pretty bags - one of which I am probably going to have to staple to myself if I take it out anywhere as it is a clutch bag and I am a fool, some lovely jewellery, photo frames, a book of overheard conversations, sparkly eyeliners and a hot water bottle which has already come in handy. I like presents. And Santa will be bringing some more tomorrow! I like Santa. I am actually feeling quite festive and Christmassy and at present we are getting on very nicely in this house. So far so good. Ho ho ho!

New Year's resolutions coming soon. Watch this space!

2009-12-19T19:06:00.004Z

My last week in Sheffield was quite enjoyable. With the exception of a deadline, but that has been and gone now and feels like it practically never existed in the first place. I am pretty sure I handed my essay in though, which is what counts. I had the yummiest roast dinner on Sunday, with lamb and yorkshire puddings and allsorts of yummy things. Then there was a few lectures, which I mostly didn't pay attention in, and the aforementioned deadline. Then there was pub times, and wine times. One of the wine times had cake and presents. That was good. And then........there was snow. Quite a lot of snow. It was quite slippy. Then I came back to Bradford.

And now, here I am. It is still snowing and I am hoping it stops snowing before Tuesday, because if I get snowed in, or if people get snowed out, of my house for my birthday, I will CRY. As long as it stops before Tuesday though, I suppose the snow is quite pretty. Bloody cold, though.

Although I tell you what, it is not cold in this house, it is bloody boiling. I am not used to the central heating actually being at 21 degrees. In Sheffield that is just the temperature we tell it to get to but it never really does. The heat is making me sleepy. Being in a warm house is nice though. I suppose it doesn't help that my room seems to have transformed in to a laundry room since I was last home, and so my radiator is blasting out at full whack and there is damp washing everywhere.

So far home is uneventful, with the exception of cheese. I had something called "Cornish Cruncher", before. It had bits of chilli in it. Yum. Oh, and a water mains burst near us yesterday so we had no water until this morning. It was pretty bad actually, especially once the water in the kettle had run out and there was no brews. I was parched when I woke up. I have probably had about 6 pints of water today to make up for it. Thinking about it, we should have just got some snow from outside and let it melt. There is enough of the stuff!

2009-12-11T17:22:00.003Z

Had to do a presentation the other day. It didn't go so badly actually. In fact, the worst part was probably at the end when everybody had finished and the lecturers said that they were going to the pub, if anybody wanted to come. And everybody scarpered. I would totally have gone, as I am not one to turn down the offer of a drink, but I wasn't going to go on my own with my dissertation supervisor and the bloke who used to lecture me for stats last year. I would probably have got tipsy and told him that I was the idiot that didn't draw a graph on their exam. I am still struggling to get rid of the image of their disappointed faces.

Other than that, this week has mostly been made up of pretending to write essays; listening to bad music; and getting oddly shaped parcels delivered by our ever-cheerful postman. He delivered a guitar strap I'd ordered for my dad the other day - which looked and felt suspiciously like a roll of sellotape from the outside - and I could tell by the look on his face that is what he was thinking, too. I also went to Meadowhall to do some Christmas shopping and I really hope I do not have to set foot in there again for a long time. I had another experience in Hollister. A slightly more amusing one than last time though - apart from the fact I still couldn't see anything due to the dim lighting - involving a real live American boy who worked there saying "alright mate?" to the man behind me. Good to see that he does not see the accent barrier as a problem.

So, as per usual, nothing much has really happened. This weekend should be good though...lots of festivities and drink, and then on Sunday we are having a yummy, yummy Sunday dinner. We're eating it out, of course, there is no way on God's green Earth I would be attempting to roast anything in the house, especially not when there are pubs to go to.

2009-12-07T23:27:00.002Z

Well here I am, sat listening to Panic! At The Disco and doing air drumming. It is a marginal improvement on what I was doing before, i.e. drinking vodka and lemonade and jiggling around to Essential Christmas on Spotify. I don't even really like Christmas. In fact, my entire family agreed the other night that Christmas is a massive waste of time. And we're spending it together. Which probably doesn't bode well.

Home at the weekend was........well, it was home I suppose.

I managed to get myself a driving lesson and actually managed to left reverse around three corners without maiming myself, my driving instructor or anybody else. Unfortunately the next day I drove my mother's car up the street with my dad in the passenger seat and that did not go so well. Mostly because he kept yelling "BRAKE! BRAKE!" at inappropriate moments, causing me to panic and brake without putting the clutch down. And stall. Four times. Considering the distance I covered (not very much) this was impressive in itself.

I had curry two consecutive nights, and consequently ended up giving myself indigestion and not even drinking anything on Saturday night because of it. This made for a rather unfortunate dispute between myself and my mother. Unfortunate for me anyway, as I can remember it and she cannot due to the three bottles of wine she consumed. She then had the cheek to count the bottles of beer her friends had been drinking the next day and say "God! They drank 27 bottles of beer last night!".

What else? Oh, there was a plumber round for most of the time I was there, fixing up a mess that some plumbers they had in last week created. There is a power shower in the bathroom now, which was pretty exciting. Unfortunately, due to the failings in the plumbing of it, the pump keeps setting itself off in the middle of the night and waking everybody up. And there was dust all over the place. And loads of rubbish in my room that had been moved there to keep it out of the way of the plumbing.

I can't think of anything else of note which happened. I didn't do any work, of course.

Currently I am supposed to be writing an essay but considering I don't understand the question, it is probably not going to happen. I should really try, but the temptation of getting another drink and listening to more Christmas songs is probably going to overcome me soon.

2009-12-03T01:41:00.002Z

I am such a massive fool.

I just e-mailed a lecturer (about ethics - again!) and quoted my mobile telephone number instead of my registration number. In my defence they both begin with 07 but still - massive gigantic fool.

I am not sure I can take this lark anymore, seriously. We had a seminar today which revolved around the issue of 'Spendaholics' in which we watched an episode of the BBC3 programme of the same title - which incidentally I am sure we could have located on iPlayer for ourselves had we wished to waste an hour of our lives - where someone really stupid had got in to debt by spending £21,000 on clothes, bags, and shoes, in a year. Now, I am sorry, but to me this is not a behaviour which can be conceptualised as "failure in self regulation". It is just idiocy. What is more, at the end of the programme, the clinical psychologist who was supposed to be helping her took her horse riding because it used to make her happy when she was a child. Is horse riding not an expensive hobby to be re-introducing to a Spendaholic? I asked myself. I almost asked the lecturer, but then thought better of it.

In other news I have got a presentation next week and then an essay deadline the week after that and I really, really wish I could bring myself to do something about them. I am really quite concerned about both of them, but my head is just so full of stuff that I cannot seem to bring myself to concentrate.

I went to see Paranormal Activity last night. I was driven in a car with no side mirrors, which was quite scary. The film itself was not actually that scary. In fact, the scariest part was that the protagonist looked freakishly like someone I know - naming no names - it would not be very nice considering the protagonist ends up getting possessed by a demon and killing her boyfriend. She is pretty though. Anyway, I did find out that the snuff I mentioned in my previous post was actual snuff. Which really begs the question - what sort of 21 year old does snuff? Still, rather that than cocaine, for various reasons. None of this really matters of course because I am still so confused regarding this whole boy scenario. I am rapidly running out of patience and am going to pounce when he comes round next week. There may have to be things said that I would rather not say. The fact still remains that I cannot look at him in certain lights (and not because he is ugly, before you think I am being mean) and really I am not sure this new found friendship is at all going to turn out successful. We will see. I am always bloody wait-and-seeing. When will I just see? When?

Anyway, home tomorrow so never mind all that. Not been this excited to go home for ages! I can feel an alcohol induced confessional session coming on though. I am hoping I am wrong.

2009-11-30T02:28:00.002Z

Well.

In the past week, I have had my breasts groped by an effective stranger (in fairness she was a doctor, but all the same it is not something I would like to repeat again any time soon); come second place to a hole in the ground; remained stone cold sober all night in a club due to the fact that spending money on alcohol would have been wasteful due to it being shit; stood around for 5 hours holding a lollipop that said 'Can I Help?'; and frankly I have reached what I believe to be the very end of my proverbial tether. I have also been asked to go somewhere where "snuff is involved" and am really hoping that snuff is either actual snuff, or a nickname for a person. This still remains to be seen. I have very little patience left with people in general at the minute though, so flavoured tobacco could well be saving somebody's bacon some time soon. The recreational drug use of others is none of my business but I would not be pleased if I thought somebody presumed I would like to be implicated in it. Particularly not when I am seemingly less exciting than a cave to them. I am totally better than caves.

Anyway, enough with the caves. I have got loads and loads and loads of stuff to do before we depart Sheffield for Christmas in approximately 3 weeks. 3 weeks!! I cannot deal with life. Consequently it is 02:45 and I am blogging. Which will really not help my plight to do any of said stuff, it will just make me tired.

I am going home this weekend and I am excited. I was supposed to be having a driving lesson but I am not sure how likely that is now as my driving instructor is all booked up at the minute. I think I have scared him off with the whole removing my hands from the wheel thing. Nonetheless, I am looking forward to being home. I think it will make a nice change. I just realised that I have somehow managed to engage myself with some form of recreational activity every day between now and then, so I am not sure when I am going to get any of this stuff done. Ah well. I don't even care anymore. There is a litre of vodka in the kitchen and if I reach breaking point I may just drink it all and then go to a lecture and get myself thrown out of uni. If I were going to terminate my relationship with academia, I would like to do so with a bang.

2009-11-20T01:26:00.002Z

Long time no blog. Again.

To summarise:

My dissertation project has gone live and so far the response to my survey has not been too bad. Someone has answered "fgdgdgffg" to most of the questions and another person described their ethnicity as "White Redneckish southerner in the USA", but other than that, the data should mostly be of some use. I hope.

I have seen the aforementioned kissing culprit again and well, I am not sure how I would say that is going, really. There has been more snogging. A lot more snogging. It gets tiresome after a while though. We will see. I am supposed to be going to the pictures with him on Sunday. I haven't been to the pictures for about 16 million years and the last time I went there on a date it was to see Hostel Part II and I spent most of it with my face buried in the boy's armpit. Which was attractive.

There was a reading week and I didn't do much reading. I went home and ate loads and had two driving lessons, in one of which I removed both my hands from the steering wheel to change gear and Instructor Dave took the wheel, and the pedals, off me and had to steer us round the bend from the passenger seat. I ended up crying and laughing at the same time. So I suppose you could say my driving progress is slowing somewhat.

I can't think what else. I'll shut up for now, then. Cheerio!

2009-11-02T01:33:00.003Z

My goodness it has been a while. I realise that 01:33 in the early hours of a Monday morning is quite a ridiculous time to be awake, let alone blogging, but when is anything I do not at least vaguely ridiculous?

I feel a lot may have happened since my last blogging venture, however, because it has been so long, bits of it will have undoubtedly got lost in memory. I will summarise as best I can.

There has been too much academic malarky for my liking. Not that I have paid attention to most of it. I actually nodded off for a short while in a seminar until I heard everybody laughing and thought they had cottoned on to my sleeping ways. They were, thankfully (though also quite unfortunately - for them at least) laughing at a psychology-related joke. I have handed in about 16 million pages of ethics forms, experimenter safety forms, etc. I have spent most of the rest of the time avoiding singing up to the premium (i.e. paying) version of surveymonkey for as long as is humanly possible. They do not seem to understand the concept around these parts of things costing money and people not really having that money to spare. £13 a month is, in effect, a bottle of vodka to me. I do not buy a bottle of vodka every month because on top of everything else I buy I cannot really afford to. Why I should pay for the survey software when I do not purchase the spirits I have no idea. Still, such is life.

There has also been drinking frolicks. Obviously there has been drinking. Copious amounts of. Though somehow simultaneously not quite enough. I am no alcoholic but when you are stood around in a circle for four hours feeling exasperated there is little else to do except get royally pissed. Sometimes no amount of vodka is sufficient. I am actually thinking of switching from a drink to a (soft) drugs habit after last night. I have no idea really why it was so bad. It just was. I had to restrain myself from stealing somebody's cannabis in the smoking area. Still, the manic vodka drinking appears to have finally killed off my sore throat. Which there has also been, but now there appears to be no more. Which is good. I don't like sore throats. If there is a God, I hope he keeps germs away from our house for the rest of term. Or the rest of the year even.

There has been kissing, as well. Unusually, perhaps. Also in copious amounts and also whilst intoxicated. There may yet be more. However, there has too been the cancellation of a meeting with the kissing culprit. On the night it was supposed to occur. One would almost say I was stood up, were it not for the fact I hadn't actually left the house yet. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for two reasons: firstly he was apparently 500 feet below ground and secondly it has been terribly quiet boywise of late and that only leads to frustration and bad naughtiness. Of the sort I believe I banned in my new year's resolutions at the end of first year. Hmm.

There has also been letters from the landlord regarding our plans for next year, which is scary. I mean, whatever happens it is not looking like we could stay in this house anyway, but I am getting nervous about the end of third year. I really do honestly love my family but I cannot move home. Really need a proper job. And a roof. It all freaks me out.

Tell you what as well, if things do not buck up round these parts soon there may also be some sort of crazy lady adventure. I do not know where to or what involving, but I feel like a tethered horse or something.

2009-10-19T12:46:00.003+01:00

Well, home was nice. Slight disappointment on the 'home cooking' front though. I got a text two days in advance telling me it would be stew and dumplings when I arrived on Thursday night. Naturally I was very excited. When I got there, it was actually Chinese. Then on Friday it was lasagne out of a cook chill packet from Tesco. I did four whole 3 point turns on my driving lesson though. You can't have it all. My family are now in Spain - sans moi - and I am back in Sheffield. Since my return I appear to have done very little other than injure myself. It all began on Saturday night. I went on a date with the aforementioned caving boy. It was good, he is very nice, and wasn't even perturbed when we bumped in to some slightly quirky acquaintances who like to make a sport out of spinning people around at high speeds. Sadly, the date all ended with an almighty thud, and that thud was the sound of me hitting the floor, cracking my leg on the bed frame, and being landed on by...something else. Then yesterday, whilst I was attempting recovery from the previous night's festivities, I managed to cut my hand on a bottle of Happy Time (false advertising at its finest) shower gel, and then on a potato peeler.

Last night there was an Ann Summers party. That was quite interesting. We were plied with wine and asked intrusive questions. Then we felt a lot of vibrators and the hostess tried to make us all go to the bathroom with some "pleasure gel" - but there was a line. It was quite fun in a way though. We had to play a ridiculous game with malteasers and I discovered a brownish shadow on my neck this morning which I believed to be melted chocolate from the game. On further inspection and rubbing, it will not come off, so now I am unsure. Gosh. I dread to think, honestly.

Anyway, it is back to it now. Lecture time. Terrible times. This morning though a very nice man who works in the psychology department as a "mac doctor" printed my pre-dissertation research questionnaires - which basically consist of a load of disgusting photos with rating scales next to them - for free! I bought a stapler in celebration to staple them all together. This now means I should really get people to start filling them out for me though. Joy.

2009-10-12T21:12:00.002+01:00

In the past week I have seen Maximo Park and almost died of excitement (and also shock at the drinks prices - £3.70 for a can of Carlsberg! You can get a 4-pack for that in Bargain Beers. I mean, the beer is usually off but still!). I have also managed to (completely unwillingly) pull an incredibly short man who was continuously making "whooooooo, whooooooo" sounds in my ear; the final straw came when he sucked my cheek and I almost lost the power of breathing from laughter and had to vacate the dancefloor. I also pulled a boy whom it has sinced transpired enjoys going caving in the dark - apparently not a euphemism - which could be...interesting. I also ventured to the library once where I mistakenly got a seat near the window and the temptation to throw myself out of it became too overwhelming so I had to leave. Well actually, what really happened was that a terribly posh boy came over and said "excyarse me, hoo long do you think you will be yarsing this computah for?" and since I wasn't really using it any more due to my deteriorating will to live and I could not be bothered arguing the toss with him, I left.

In other news, I have still to receive news as to whether my dissertation is now ethical or not - I am hoping that it will be as I have now made it as ethical as it possibly can be. It is like the Mother Teresa of experiments. Well, kind of. Apart from the scary pictures. Mother Teresa with a hint of the bloke out of One Hour Photo, perhaps. We have also got to do group presentations soon and unfortunately I have been randomly assigned as a group leader which means I have got to e-mail everybody about it etc etc. I hate presentations and I hate groups. Well, groups that I do not know and have to do a presentation with, anyway. Then I have to do a presentation all on my ownsome about my dissertation and then write a formal research proposal. As you can probably gather from the intense enthusiasm I am displaying in these sentences, I am going to do excellently at completing all of the aforementioned tasks. Ahem. Oh dear.

Still, I am going home for a night or two later this week which should be nice. I actually miss my family having not seen them for about a month. I think I am having a driving lesson too which will be useful as I am sure I have forgotten how to even start a car by now, let alone do a turn in the road.

I had really better get along with doing something useful I suppose. What this really means, is I am going to watch iPlayer.

2009-10-06T09:39:00.002+01:00

It is raining. I am cold. I cannot hear in one ear and barely slept last night because said ear was hurting quite badly. I am slightly scared that I will never hear properly again. In reality it is probably just blocked. I am going to the doctor's later anyway - and I sincerely hope for the last time this term/year/lifetime - about the tonsil-lurgy-fixing penicillin I had to stop taking because it made me feel sick. When I say sick, I do not just mean sick. I mean, sick. He is going to think I am daft though, imagine; oh hi doctor, sorry to bother you but I stopped taking my tablets because I felt sick and now my ear hurts as well, what are you going to do about it? Ah well.

In other news my dissertation proposal cannot be deemed ethical by the ethics committee unless I make changes to it and add a more extensive procedure for what to do if participants experience distress. This could be difficult given that I am conducting the study on the internet. It is not really acceptable to send a distressed person to a helpful website, is it? I just don't know. Oh dear. I knew I was a bit morally corrupt but really. Maybe uni will fly me out to America (which is conveniently where most of my participants will be from) to provide any distressed participants with first-hand comfort myself? Perhaps I should write that on my newly revised ethics form as a suggestion? I bet they would love that.

On the plus side I cannot wait until Thursday night, so even if the plumber we are expecting walks in on me naked, the ethics committee have me banished from the university and the doctor lops my ear off, I will not care that much. At least not until Friday.

2009-09-29T23:44:00.002+01:00

Term is so-so, so far. Have had two lectures; one about self-regulation, which is basically how people manage to achieve their goals by not doing things they want to, or doing things they don't. Lecturer asked for examples of when we felt we had done so over the weekend and the example he got back was "there were some chocolates in my boyfriend's room last night and I didn't eat any because I don't want to put on weight". Seriously, it is a chocolate. So that module's going to be fun then. Second lecture was about the mind, and mostly the lecturer droned on about artificial intelligence and an IBM supercomputer that beat the chess grand master at chess. I am hoping that by the end of the week I will have attended a lecture that didn't make me die a little bit inside.

I have sorted a few things out though. I've decided to change the topic of my extended essay to a less difficult one (babies), the semester of its submission to next one, and the supervisor to a...well, one that I know better. And one that knows loads about babies instead of neurons. Which means that I am no longer stressing about what was shaping up to be the essay of doom. I have also decided I am going to become at one with da yoof, and volunteer with some young offenders. Exciting.

What is slightly less exciting is the spots at the back of my throat. I am a poorly Sally. Well actually, I don't feel mega awful or anything. It is not like when the house was struck down with flu. My throat just hurts and I'm a bit sniffly. I am going to the doctors tomorrow to make sure I do not have the dreaded tonsil lurgy. I also realised that I accidentally booked the appointment when my departmental welcome meeting is. Oops.

2009-09-26T20:25:00.003+01:00

It is still going alright round here. I am apprehensive about Monday and the onset of term but putting that to the back of my mind until tomorrow. We went out last night, got hideously drunk and ended up standing behind unsuspecting members of the public and posing as though taking them (the person, not the photograph) from behind. I am not sure why. It seemed hilarious at the time but the photographs are somewhat incriminating. We are going out again tonight and I am hoping it is going to be as much fun.

In other news, I am really hoping that my student loan money comes through soon. I do not believe I have consumed a single vegetable since I got here. The only fruit item I have eaten is an apple. I am about two thirds of my way through a block of Cathedral City cheese and I have eaten a ridiculous amount of baked beans. Also, my concealer has snapped in half and the lining of my going-out bag has ripped off. These are desperate times.

2009-09-23T21:46:00.002+01:00

Well, here I am, in Sheffield.

So far it is going alright, though that has probably got a lot to do with the fact there are no lectures this week. Instead I have been working. As a 'Clicker'. This involves clicking a...well, clicker, every time somebody walks in to the Student's Union. It is so, so, so, so boring. It makes me want to gouge my own eyes out. It's not just me either, the boy who was clicking on the opposite side of the doors to me today said he wanted to hang himself using the decorative bunting that has been put up. Still, it is money, and I just keep thinking about that. Apart from working I have mostly been drinking wine and eating takeaway. Our house is a lot nicer than it was this time last year, mainly because we no longer live with a stranger that has got anger issues. On Monday night we went on a house outing to wine and cheese night. It was quite spectacular, and the excessive wine caused Katie to slide off her seat in the taxi on the way home. Those are the kind of fun times I had been longing for (obviously no Katies were harmed in the process, otherwise that would not have been fun at all)...with the possible exception of ending up sat on a table next to one of my lecturers and a postgraduate student who was one of my tutors last year. There is just no escape.

I am mega tired now though. It is only 10pm and I am falling asleep at the keyboard. Things keep waking me up in the night. Cats shrieking in the back garden and my own weird dreams, mostly. I am hoping for an undisturbed slumber tonight. I am having my fairy lights on and everything.

2009-09-20T14:39:00.002+01:00

Urgh. I am packing. I have no idea how to feel about this. On the one hand, I think my family are frankly getting a bit sick of me, and I really think I will feel better when I am in Sheffield out of their way. On the other hand, this everyone-getting-a-bit-sick-of-each-other thing climaxed earlier with a massive argument, tears, and my dad asking if I was worried about 3rd year. Cue sobbing. I think maybe I am worried. I don't know why. I am not sure I can deal with starting lectures again, though. Seriously.

I am sure all will become clearer starting tomorrow, anyway. I am not sure I can take listening to much more Imogen Heap to soothe me, though. If there are any subliminal messages in her songs then I am surely under her spell by now. May have to change my stress relief technique to something involving recreational drugs. Or, you know, wine. Christ.

2009-09-13T22:23:00.003+01:00

I have to stop drinking so much when I am outside of the confines of my own home. I just got tagged on Facebook and I look like an advert for a Channel 4 documentary about Broken Britain. Last night was an epic failure on my part. As well as breaking a dish that belonged to the deceased grandmother of the person whose house I was at, I managed to have some sort of terrible crying/hyperventilating fit in front of all of the guests. I am a basket case and a bloody half sometimes. Apart from all of the crying I think it was quite a good party. Sadly all I remember is breaking the dish, crying, kissing somebody inappropriate who was trying to console me (it did not really work), eating half a mini-steak before realising it was bleeding and that I had just licked cow's blood from my fingers, eating some AMAZING cupcakes, and drinking. A lot. Anyway, I suppose I can console myself slightly with the knowledge that I haven't been that drunk since, ooh, the last time I went to a party at their house. Therefore I blame them. Haha. Actually no, I blame the boy who gave me copious amounts of spirits when my wine ran out.

Aside from last night, the rest of my week has been fairly dull. Just work and an uneventful visit to the dentist. One more week until I go back to Sheffield! It is going to be good.

2009-09-05T18:40:00.002+01:00

I have not used the word cunt all week at work. I am so proud. Unfortunately, despite there being adverts for them everywhere, I have been unable to locate an actual caramel chunky kit kat, so a dairy milk had to suffice instead.

Other than that minor achievement, I have done little else of note this week. Thursday was pretty bad. I got the bus back from Leeds and was harrassed by a man of at least 50 for the entire journey. He tried to let me on the bus before him but I suspected a touch of weird so I made him get on first because he was there first. Anyway, this did not stop him. He stopped at the front of the bus as though to sit down, so I went all the way to the back and when I turned round to sit down he had followed me and sat right next to me. In a row of empty seats. He was so close we were touching, it was awful. A terrible conversation ensued where he talked about breasts and "my bed, with wife, I go to bed, with my wife, one bed [insert pervy wink here]. She have very big boobie. You not so big as her [point at my breasts]". Cheeky ........ profanity that I am no longer using. I looked out of the window and ignored him for the most part, saying "mmhmm" occasionally when he thrust his face in front of me for a response. Eventually this whole sorry scenario came to a head when he said "you a nice girl" and stroked my leg and then did not move his hand. "Don't do that", I said. And he got off the bus. It was truly a horrible journey. Things did not improve much when I got to Bradford either. I popped in to one pub for a drink with John, whose birthday it was, and then scuttled off to another one where some of my other friends were. When I got there I was unexpectedly faced with a boy I would really rather not have had to sit opposite for an hour, given a choice. I just avoided eye contact for most of the time but that became difficult when his friend put a key in the fire and then attempted to brand his arse with it. You can't really not look when things like that happen, especially when somebody is yelping and hurtling off their chair. As I was leaving he beckoned me over and we had an awkward conversation and then I went and got the bus with Amy. There was a horrible moment where I thought I was going to miss my bus as the automatic doors would not open but then a nice drunk man who was on the outside somehow wrenched it open for me. Then he asked the bus driver if he had any spare ticket roll for him to use as rizlas. I was impressed by his honesty and the bus driver obliged.

Nothing too terrible has happened since Thursday and tonight we are going to my not-really-Aunty Lesley's house for some tasty food and lots of wine. I am looking forward to it, especially because I don't have to get up for work tomorrow. Hurray!!!

2009-08-30T21:07:00.002+01:00

There is something so much more exciting about bank holidays when in the land of the temporarily employed. It must be telling of how much of a lightweight I am that I have only been working for two weeks and already I am tired, but I cannot begin to say how much I am looking forward to sleeping in again tomorrow. My bed sheets have just been washed and tumble dried, too. If I can be bothered to make my bed then it will be an extra enjoyable sleep.

I spent last night in Manchester with Cat, and for some of the evening with her dad's massive as well. It was very fun and there was barbeque. I ate a lot of spicy chicken wings. After eating meat and consuming wine and beer, Cat and I went out dancing. That was quite eventful. Our mad dancing exravaganza was great, apart from when some drunken fool in stilettos made Cat's foot bleed. In a drunken act of solidarity I may have touched Cat's foot and then licked my finger. I am not sure why. We also befriended some cheesy-chip stealing underage gangster types in the bus stop. Apart from offering us MDMA they weren't so bad. One of them was called Pierre and I shook his (leather gloved) hand and he told me that if we went to the leisure centre where he worked today he would give us a free meal. Bless him.

Today I came back home. I had to sit backwards on the train and for a short while I thought there was going to be a re-emergence of my breakfast, but thankfully my stomach managed to hold its own despite probably carrying several gallons of Foster's inside it. Since arriving home I have had a nap, and then some steak for my tea. It was an orgasm of sleep and food. I have also been shouted at profusely because I couldn't bash a spider. I didn't realise how much my mum didn't like them, I thought she was going to cry. My dad got it in the end. I was quite glad that I didn't have to get too close actually, it was so huge that it was managing to drag along a ball of dust with its ginormous spidey legs, presumably it had picked it up underneath my parents' bed. Now I am half-watching Becoming Jane on the telly. I say half-watching because I only look up when I hear James McAvoy's voice. The late 18th century look really suits him.

In other news, I have decided I am going to try and curtail my bad language. It has got quite terrible at work. My grumpiness quota has increased over the past week due to the amount of complainers who have been ringing up, and with it, so has my usage of swear words. I wish I had more patience, but it takes all of my energy to bite my lip when I answer the phone to somebody who is outraged that their son/daughter did not get allocated to catered accommodation and they can not cook. What do I suggest their darling child does, they ask me. Learn? That would be a novel idea, no? Of course, I am ever so polite on the phone but as soon as I hang up I usually have a little bit of a rant to myself, and to the poor boy Simon who sits next to me. Usually the rant involves several expletives and it is really not becoming of a lady. Also, a supervisor walked in the other day as I was in the middle of exclaiming "we've got an e-mail from a Big Wang, are they taking the piss???". Not good. I'd say I would have a swear box but I've no bloody money to put in one. Either way, I am definitely going to make the effort. Perhaps I will start by eliminating the word cunt and work from there. If I succeed, I will reward myself with a caramel Kit Kat chunky. I have been seeing adverts for them everywhere and my longing to taste one grows by the day.

2009-08-24T23:22:00.002+01:00

I think I am finally getting used to the working life. I even managed to go out three nights in a row at the weekend, which is actually better form than I'd been keeping beforehand. On my travels, I befriended a lovely taxi driver who told me that he thought I would go far in life; a group of boys dressed as Ghostbusters; and the lead singer of New Found Glory whom I got squished against when he sat down to sing on a barrier in front of me and people were trying to touch him...he was definitely the sweatiest of the three. I also got so soaking wet that I had to literally wring my coat out, and I am currently the owner of two pairs of incredibly soggy shoes. It has been a good weekend but I am tired now. I am so excited to sprawl across the entire of my bed, the mere thought of it is sending me in to raptures. Sleeping on a camping mat was probably the least enjoyable aspect of the weekend. Mmmmmm, hello mattress.

2009-08-18T23:08:00.002+01:00

Work is going okay so far. This morning, due to a bad bout of Sunday night insomnia resulting in working yesterday on about 2 hours sleep and being shattered last night, I slept in for an entire hour. My trusty mother woke me up luckily, and although I almost lost control of my bladder when she shouted my name due to me thinking I must have slept through the entire of the day, I made it to work on time. Just. Which was obviously a treat for me, as we began the day with 4 hours worth of call centre training. I would have been devastated if I had missed any of that.

So far, all we have done is numerous bits of training and tours of various halls - all of which seem to smell vaguely of Chinese Takeaway to me - apart from one of the Opal buildings, which, true to form, smelt like bin. It's a call centre about student accommodation by the way, we were not just going on a completely pointless jolly around town.

Other events of note since I have started work have been walking past some sand sculptures in the centre of town - I can only imagine they will last all of two minutes - and being given the finger by 2 children in the back of a car who cannot have been a day older than 6, when I stalled at some traffic lights on my driving lesson. I would also like to add that regardless of the fact I drive like a grandma on smack at the minute, the father of the children overtook me on a bend and very nearly caused an incident. I love this city.

2009-08-16T20:57:00.002+01:00

I have just returned from Sheffield, I am two roast dinners heavier and about £100 lighter, although you wouldn't think it as my purse is now so full of change and weighs about a tonne. Happy days.

It has been a lovely excursion. We had wine (obviously we had wine, perhaps this sentence is a bit redundant I have used it so often). We went to the pub quiz where we did not win and also failed to correctly name any of the most well-known Jamaican-born stars apart from Bob Marley; we had Shaggy on our list, but not Lynford Christie - fail. We went to the Leadmill twice in two nights because to our utter horror, the Academy was closed without warning or explanation on Friday night. We had fun both times though. Today, we ate pub roast dinners and were hounded at the table by not one - not two - but three wasps. Despite this, it was still yummy, and Cat is now my hero as she squished a wasp to death before my very eyes. I have never seen anything like it. I cannot think of much else to report from the weekend, except for that we loaned out our Henry hoover to a house of seemingly quite domesticated boys and currently are still unsure whether or not he is being held to ransom. I'd suspect not, but I do hope that when Henry is returned he is still smiling, and not holding any incriminating objects in his mouth that have been scrawled on with felt tip. They are 24 you know, so I'd be heartily disappointed if there have been any immature goings-on with our appliances.

Alas, sadly, my summer of jaunts and watching (and re-watching) episodes of Murder, She Wrote and Come Dine With Me is now over. Tomorrow I start work. I have got to get the bus at 0652 in the morning and I am not convinced it is likely that I will make it. At least not without getting a sweat on. Worse still, I am not tired at all. I feel like somebody has propped my eyes open with matchsticks, actually. There are Kalms in the cupboard downstairs. They may be out of date and I'm not entirely sure they are designed to help with sleeping, but I may be forced to try some shortly.

2009-08-10T00:33:00.002+01:00

Not much has happened since my last blog. Highlights include:

Driving down loads of twisty roads with Amy, getting out of the car and seeing some horses, and watching the sunset and then the unusually large full moon. It was also an incredibly well-timed drive as just prior to Amy picking me up, my mother had taken herself on one of her Angry Walks over an argument about the washing-up, and when I returned home my mother was half asleep on the sofa.

Salvaging my old Playstation from being chucked on the tip, playing on Rayman and Tomb Raider and realising they are now shit. Being unable to find Crash Bandicoot. That wasn't a highlight actually, I was really sad about that.

Stealing the good bits from other people's Chinese takeaway (chips, prawn crackers) and avoiding having to get any nasty Chinese curry-type dishes due to the fact I had already scoffed lasagne for my tea before the urge to order Chinese came upon my mother.

Going out in Bradford last night, where I got horrifically drunk off wine and had a semi-heated debate about erect penises and their place in the media. Thankfully after I had consumed wine, coherent conversation became pointless so we went to Tokyo and did terrible dancing instead. I also saw a very attractive ginger boy I used to really fancy and ended up smiling at him like a clinically insane person for half the night. I was too scared to go over and say hi. I don't know why. To illustrate how sozzled I was, when I got in I made a sandwich and put some meat in it despite being unsure where it came from or what it was apart from it resembling ham. It turns out it was gammon. I think my dad was slightly miffed that I had eaten it, actually.

I can't think of any more highlights. Apart from learning about traffic lights. That was more scary than fun, though.

2009-08-04T22:52:00.004+01:00

The weekend was alright. I made lasagne and it was yummy, even if I do say so myself. Although, it was a close shave (literally) preventing blood from being an additional ingredient when I grated my finger whilst trying to grate a carrot (I would love to know who thought grated carrots would be a good addition to a recipe, I bet Gordon Ramsay gets people to grate them for him). I think I may now add lasagne to my repertoire of proper meals that I can safely cook (I will not be using grated carrots again though, they are unsafe). I am thinking I may expand to cooking different kinds of meat other than mince some time soon, too.

In other news, on Saturday I went out drinking in Bradford for the first time in weeks and weeks, and then back to one of my friend's houses, we had beer and played with Spotify and I think Amy and I fell asleep in the middle of some sort of living room dance-off. It was a nice night. I spent most of Sunday mooching around and watching crap films that were inflicted on me by my sister. I find it amazing that in times of extreme boredom, even Mary-Kate and Ashley films can provide some sort of bizarre entertainment.

Last night I went to a gig in Leeds. A free gig. It was Laura Groves, and it was actually really good. And free. Which is good, as I am very poor at present. I almost made the taxi crash on the way home because I forgot to tell the driver to turn left until the very bottom of the street. I then re-enacted said manouvre during my driving lesson this morning; apparently I need to learn to brake less suddenly, and not "snatch my clutch", whatever that means. I thought it sounded quite rude, I may start using it as a euphemism. I also unexpectedly went to Meadowhall with my family today and I was treated to a pair of "proper shoes", because my dad worries about me falling over in my Primark ones when the weather is bad, and some new jeans, because I only had about two pairs that fit properly. Now I have three. I was also treated to pizza. It has been a good day. Apart from the part where my sister insisted we go in Hollister, and we were greeted by an enthusiastic staff member asking us - wait for it - "what's up?!!!" - seriously, why?? Why would anything be up? What sort of a question is that, anyway? It was a bit weird being in Sheffield and coming back to Bradford in such a flash. Still, I am going to Sheffield again next week and so are Cat and Katie.....I can't wait!! Then I will be starting work the following week. Gosh.

2009-07-31T17:06:00.003+01:00

The past few days have been quite nice, although I have spent more money on bus fares than I would like.

I met up with Matthew (the one and only ex whom I have actually managed to retain an uncomplicated friendship with). We had Starbucks, swapped about a year's worth of gossip, and also swapped advice which we have made a pact to act on. Then we went to Waterstone's and I was filling out a store card application for him because he couldn't read it properly, and when I got to the signature bit and said "sorry but you're going to have to do the signature", the lady behind the counter said "yep, she can't sign for you until you're married", hahaha. Oh how we laughed. It is probably because I had been busy quite sarcastically asking him why he was buying a round-the-world travel guide if he was only going to Eastern Europe. I am so nice.

I also met up with my friend John and ate the most horrific "spicy potato" concoction my tastebuds have ever had the misfortune to experience. I have no idea how they made the potatoes pink, or how they made it taste quite so repulsive, but I paid £6 for it so I ate it anyway. Then we got some Shisha to take the taste away and I was really, really tired all day afterwards. I wont be having any more shisha any time soon. It was a good day, though, and we got to sit in a special room with gold (well, gold-look) tables and brightly coloured throws and curtains everywhere.

Yesterday I met my friends Rachael and Stacey, Rachael brought her baby Ryan with her and we went to Nando's. I don't like Nando's all that much but it was very nice to see them. Ryan was incredibly cute, even when he threw a full bottle of Fruit Shoot across the table. Rachael and Ryan couldn't stay for long, which was sad, but me and Stacey did a bit of shopping and then ended up going swimming because Stacey has got some sort of super-special summer gym and swimming membership thing. I say swimming, we did about 4 lengths and spent most of our time doing handstands and going on the slides. I even had my first encounter on the Cobra, which is a slide at the swimming pool that I have been petrified of since I was 7 and my friend Natasha went down it and ended up being rescued from the bottom part with the drown alarm going. Now I know why, it was pitch black and bloody awful but I was very proud.

Today I have mostly been unsuccessfully looking for a job for when I get back to Sheffield, and (hopefully) successfully looking up lasagne recipes because I am embarking on a culinary adventure and making one tonight. Tomorrow night.....I am going out!!! In Bradford. Oh my.

2009-07-28T17:07:00.002+01:00

Well, my excursion to Sheffield was fun. Mostly, anyway. I had to sleep alone in the house for one of the nights I was there and I got frightened and ended up sleeping with my speakers on; using the sleepy logic that if a burglar came round and heard my music, maybe they would go away again. There were no burglars, thankfully. Apart from that, and a few moments of bafflement vis a vis boys, it was a very enjoyable extended weekend. There was gin, dancing, bands, cheesy chips, and possibly a conversation with Jarvis Cocker. Cat and I went to a bar which has a little alcove with a duvet (the cover was absent, presumed in the wash - I don't wish to know why) and lots of cushions, it was very exciting. We hoped the Arctic Monkeys were going to perform by surprise but alas they did not. We went to several drinking establishments over the weekend actually, I am surprised I have not turned slightly yellow. On Friday night we drank a lot of gin and danced to Nelly and I seemingly got rid of a strange man by stepping in front of him and saying "woooooooah, leave it mate". I don't remember doing that at all. Maybe gin makes me act manly.

My journey home was slightly less enjoyable. I got the train from Sheffield to Leeds alright, but I arrived in the station in Leeds to see the doors of a train going to Bradford closing in front of my very eyes. If my shoes had laces they would have probably got trapped in the doors, I was that close. I then proceeded to look for the next trains. The next one wasn't for 20 minutes, and was subsequently delayed by a further 18 minutes. Then, when I finally made it to Bradford, I walked down to the middle of town to catch the half-past-6 bus - which is supposed to go every half an hour - because they do not go from the interchange (where my train went to) until 7. The half-past-6 bus did not show up, ever, and around 25 minutes before the 7 o' clock one arrived (which I could have just waited for in the interchange), a woman squeezed her way down the rammed bus shelter, squished herself next to me and proceeded to tell me (and everyone else in the bus shelter, such was her volume) that "the half past 6 bus doesn't run anymore" (this is not true). "Oh right", I said. She repeated herself 3 further times. Then "I saw it leave at 20 past" (she didn't, I was sat there from quarter past). "Oh right, that's no good", I said. 3 more times. She said everything 3 times. "I think I might complain about this". "Where can I complain?" "I ordered a taxi but it didn't turn up, it's bad that innit when they don't turn up?" "There's my taxi there, oh no, I don't think I'll be able to run and get it now, do you?" (it clearly was not her taxi, nor had she ordered one...). "What bus do you need to get, because there wont be another 636 for an HOUR". Argh. Then, I looked up, and what did I see? A massive wasp. I must have looked really worried because the man next to me noticed and told me he would get it if it came near me. I loved that man. He then began talking to me which stopped the other lady telling me lies about the buses as much. When we finally made it on to the bus and sat down, I ended up practically collapsing in a fit of laughter because I was so relieved. Then earlier, when I was going to town, another bus didn't turn up. I may invest in a bicycle and learn to ride it, seriously.

This morning I had a driving lesson and I emerged from a closed T-junction without stalling (or dying). Not only that, it was a really busy one and someone had parked their car too close to it so I had to look through their back windscreen to see if any other cars were coming. I was very proud. So was Instructor Dave. He didn't even have to do any feet for me. He even made me pull over afterwards just to tell me "you did it right!!!". Unfortunately during the same lesson I also accidentally switched from 3rd to 4th gear instead of 2nd when I was supposed to be slowing down round a corner. Still, though.

What else? Hmm. I can't really think of anything else which counts as news. In fairness, I have rambled on for far too long now, anyway. Until next time.......

2009-07-21T16:36:00.002+01:00

It has been all fun and games round here, today. I almost went through some traffic lights - and by through I do not just mean the regular kind of through, I mean through the pole that is holding them up through - this morning, and I have found out that I am going to have to pay $19.95 a MONTH (I have no idea what that is in pounds but probably significantly more than I would like) to subscribe to the software I need to use for my dissertation (remind me why I pay tuition fees, again?). We were going to go shopping today but my dad is a bit poorly and the doctor has prescribed him Tamiflu, so nobody has gone anywhere. Whatever he has got it is pretty much what I had last week so I feel a bit bad, but he seems alright at the minute. The Tamiflu collection was a debacle though, they don't allow people who live in the same house as the ill person to go and get it, so Aunty Lesley had to save the day. We got a phone call from the person giving her the drugs, about contacting the GP surgery, and they announced themselves by saying "Hello, we have got your flu friend here!". Drama-bloody-rama. Anyway, he may very well not even have swine flu (if he does though, that means I have probably had it -oink oink) but at least he has got the tablets incase. I keep going and telling him stories about my driving lesson but I don't think it is helping. If anything the traffic light story made him look visibly anxious. Still though, he seems OK and as such I will still be hot-footing it to Sheffield tomorrow. I have checked the NHS website to make sure there is no way I could be contagious and there isn't, so there is nothing stopping me, even swine flu. I am quite excited. I have been downloading Kasabian albums because I am going to see them in November and I want to know the words. I am going to listen to them on the train.

2009-07-20T15:11:00.003+01:00

Nothing much of note happened at the weekend. On Saturday night the Barker family went to a barbeque and it was actually quite fun. There was burgers and chicken legs and pasta and wine and home-made mojitos which were exceptionally strong. There was also Guitar Hero and I don't like to brag but there were some very annoying 14-year-old boys there who were taking the mick out of a 6-year-old and I kicked all of their arses. Metaphorically. Apart from that it has been quiet. I have been playing on a website called listography, where you make lists, because I am that cool. Anyway, seeing as I am in an inexplicably good mood I thought I would make a list of things to be happy about. Now I am pasting it on to here:

Last week I was ill but now I am better.
I have two driving lessons this week.
I get to drink Strongbow with Amy soon.
I might be going shopping tomorrow and possibly getting a shoe-related treat as all of mine are "shite" (my father's words, not mine) and also eating at Bagel Nash, result.
I may be heading to Sheffield on Wednesday night to partake in something disgusting.
I shall be staying in Sheffield for the rest of the week and it will hopefully be fun and involve alcohol and a music festival type thing.
I am also going to see my dissertation supervisor at some point with an ethics form, which is quite productive.
I just had a very tasty tuna mayonnaise and sweetcorn sandwich.
There is mayonnaise in the fridge that is 100% edible.
I just phoned student finance and apparently my application has now been means assessed.
Yesterday I counted up the money in my change jar and it came to over a tenner, bring on the coinstar.
It is not long now until I start work, bring on the wages.
I had a shower before and there was some new shampoo called Raspberry Sunrise and it smells very scrummy.
I think there is some chocolate cake in the fridge, hopefully my dad hasn't eaten it all, because if he hasn't I am totally going to get a slice right now.

Anyway, after compiling the above list I did go downstairs and find the cake - which actually turned out to be superior to normal cake - triple chocolate layer gateaux heee - and now I am munching on some. I have eaten nothing but shit since my throat stopped hurting, it is all good though.

Hopefully, it is going to be a good week. Emphasis on the hopefully.

2009-07-17T12:58:00.002+01:00

I made it to the Imax!! I actually got driven there and back, so minimal effort was involved on my part, except for the queueing-to-go-in part. It was very warm and there were a LOT of excited and very annoying children zooming around. I wont be getting broody again for a while, let me tell you. Anyway, whilst we were queueing, an eight-year-old girl named Sarah (she also told us her date of birth and what school she goes to, it is a good job she picked us to speak to and not some members of a paedophile ring) started talking to me and my sister. She was quite sweet but also ever-so-slightly demanding. I was hoping her dad may come over and take her to get some sweets but he was too busy sitting down (it was a posh queue - with seats dotted around it). Eventually our new friend asked how old we were. When I told her I was twenty, I kid you not, she was aghast; she said "you're too old!!!" and physically backed away from me with her hands outstretched. For a horrible moment I thought she was going to start yelling "STRANGER DANGER", but instead she turned to my sister and said "you're not too old though, I can talk to you". Charming!! Anyway, I really did feel old. Really. So now I have decided I am going to have a wild phase again. I am not sure yet what this phase is going to entail yet but I will keep you posted.

Oh, and as for Harry Potter....it was alright. I was expecting more 3D for my money, and at least a funeral for Dumbledore, but I did enjoy it.

2009-07-15T22:31:00.002+01:00

So much for working graduation week. I am ill (plus, they only gave me one shift anyway so I would have still been poor regardless).

I wish I could say my lurgy was a result of going to some sort of illicit outdoor rave at the weekend but sadly I have not been out on the razz at all since I was in Sheffield the other week. I spent the weekend relaxing mostly, and socialising in quite a restrained way, mostly with my mother's friends but on Sunday with Amy. That was restrained too, until we had a litre of Strongbow and about 4 double vodkas each and watched Pretty Woman and then What Lies Beneath on ITV2 whilst gripping each other during the scary bits.

I felt great on Sunday though. My sister was ill, and actually managed to throw up within an hour of my parents leaving us for the night to go to Newcastle. I, however, was not ill. Of course, she was lolling all over me from about Thursday because she was achey and had a sore throat and I, being the ever doting sister, cuddled her a lot. Because I am nice. How the tables have turned now, though. I felt so ill this morning that I cried, yet the most physical contact I have had from anyone - baby sister included - since Monday when I started feeling shivery is from the doctor sticking one of those lolly-stick-type things in my mouth this morning. She actually came out to see me; because I said I had a temperature they were worried in case I had the dreaded swine flu and took it in to the surgery with me. Anyway, I don't. Or at least, she "doesn't think" I do, which is reassurance at its best if you ask me.

I have perked up quite a bit since this morning though. It had been hurting too much to swallow so I had been mostly eating soup until this afternoon, but since the news came on at 6 o' clock I have eaten 3 tuna mayo sandwiches; 2 boiled eggs; some 'tiger bread' (made from..tigers? I was unsure but ate it anyway); 3 'buttery puff' biscuits (they were disgusting and I would not recommend them but somebody had made off with all of the chocolate digestives); and about half a tub of Ben & Jerry's cookie dough ice cream. I attempted to eat a walnut whip but when I went in the cupboard where I believed it to be, it had gone. The chocolate digestive bandit had eaten the last one. Still, though, my appetite is back and I can swallow again, which is always a good thing. I've still not managed to wash my hair as yet so it looks like I have been using vegetable oil as conditioner - ew - but I booked Imax tickets a week ago (no need to point out the fact I am a big geek, here) to see Harry Potter for tomorrow night and I am washing my hair and going if it is the last thing I ever do. I will not allow a virus to stop me from seeing Harry Potter in 3D.

Oh, I had another driving lesson the other morning too, and it went slightly better than the last, in the sense that I didn't find myself in a would-be crash situation with Dave slamming the brake on for me and sweating, this time. He even let me go in second gear and drive home. I went on main roads and I pulled out of 3 busy junctions and everything. I was quite enjoying myself until I parked a bit wonky outside our house and my dad laughed at me through the window.

I think that is all I have to say for the moment. I am a tad sad that I wont be in Sheffield until next weekend now, but it will probably make me appreciate it more when I do make it over. For now I am just going to continue eating ice cream and napping a lot. And watching Harry Potter I hope, oooooooooh!

2009-07-07T23:56:00.002+01:00

Well, the first driving lesson actually went better than expected. Granted, I did mount the kerb when the instructor asked if anybody behind me needed a signal and I got terribly flustered and said "argh I don't know, I can't see", put the indicators on anyway, overegged it with the steering wheel and promptly ended up parked on a grass verge. "Not on the kerb mate", he said. I am glad he has a sense of humour because anybody else would have probably chucked me out of their vehicle there and then. Other than that hiccup though, I did quite well. That is what Dave said. Dave is the driving instructor's name. He is truly lovely, and truly bald, which may be distracting if I were able to remove my thoughts momentarily from panicking about the clutch.

So...there is hope yet that one day I may be the owner of a pink driving license, though I think it is a long time coming yet. At least I managed to move the car, though.

After my brief rendezvous with a steering wheel, Amy came over and brightened my day. We drank coffee and talked a lot and listened to a playlist I made the other day which I deliberately designed to be cheering and upbeat (I even refrained from adding Maximo Park to it despite the fact they are my most favourites). For some reason, unknown even to us, we ended up watching the Michael Jackson memorial ceremony with my sister. Christ on a bike. Still, the occasional shouts down the stairs from my mother were quite entertaining - "trust Mariah bloody Carey to keep everybody waiting!" "it's a planned silence, mum!".

Unfortunately my week has probably climaxed on Tuesday as I shall probably not be doing much else for the rest of it because my bank balance is pretty shocking at the minute. Terrible, really. I am actually really looking forward to working during graduation week, even though it is going to be full of people arsing around in gowns (and I know that will be me next year - well, if I graduate - but really I find the whole dressing-up-like-twats thing a bit unnecessary) and proud parents bursting with joy over how extremely intelligent little Johnny is; I am that skint.

2009-07-06T21:33:00.003+01:00

Today I returned from a wild weekend in Sheffield. It was mostly lovely. With the exception of the part where I may have eaten some slightly dodgy pork. £9.95 worth of it as well - it just goes to show that so-called Gastro - (perhaps the "gastro" stands for gastroentiritis? No I'm kidding, it wasn't really that bad but not altogether pleasant either) pubs really are crap.

Anyway, other than that it was a very fun weekend. Cat, Katie and I all descended on Sheffield and it was a very exciting moving-in celebration for Katie, who has now taken up residency in our house, otherwise known as the Loveshack, in place of our previous - rather terrible - housemate. I am positively gleeful about this changing-of-hands keywise. If this weekend was anything to go by then it is going to be a fun year. Although, probably a year with a lot of Facebook photo related shame, too. There were burgers, there was a late-night trip to the park, there was a champagne reception (wine on the table when Cat arrived), there were gnomes, there was crazy dancing, there was a lot of beer, there were candles, there was late-night pasta, there was "gradual tanning" (orange face and feet-inducing) moisturiser and there was a meeting with the younger brother of A Boy (that bit was slightly intimidating but mostly alright). I also passed my second year, I even managed to pass statistics, which was surprising to say the least.

Now I am back in Bradford. I have my first ever driving lesson tomorrow and I am frightened. Frightened is actually an understatement, I am terrified. So far, the most optimistic remark I have received has been "everybody is rubbish on their first lesson so don't worry if it goes badly"...the others have included "I'm just going to tell next door to stay off the road tomorrow", "when you go wrong don't worry, the instructor can do an emergency stop for you" and "you??? Driving???". As you can see, people are really expecting me to take to the wheel like a duck to water.

Wish me luck...!

2009-06-27T12:15:00.002+01:00

I have spent most of my time since I last blogged either at home, in a hospital or in an old people's home. Seriously. Life does not get more exciting.

Thankfully, they have let my dad out of hospital now. I was getting concerned not only for his health but also for my own when a man on his ward was diagnosed with MRSA. I was quite revolted to hear that my dad's new friend Ernie had taken his late night antics to another level when he disconnected the catheter bag of said man with MRSA and poured its contents in to a water jug because he had needed the toilet and the nurses were busy. My dad didn't drink from the water jugs anymore after that, and who can blame him? Still, he is home now and that is all that matters.

Sadly, the visitation of healthcare institutions is only just beginning. My grandma fell over and hasn't walked for two weeks, and as such has been transferred to a nursing home. We are unsure whether she can't walk or won't walk, but nonetheless it means more antibacterial handgel and more overpowering disinfectant-like smells until she gets better, at least. Last night I went to see my other grandma who has been in her old people's home for a while now and she has got much worse since the last time I saw her. She doesn't even know who she is anymore, never mind anyone else. She has an infection too and she is not eating or drinking so we had to update her 'End of Life Plan' - how sensitive is that? So I think we may be visiting there more often for a while too because this infection business does not look good. Happy days.

Anyway I will move away from the melancholy now. Apart from all of that home is alright. I met my friend Maria on Thursday and ended up going to pick her degree results with her after a visit to Nandos. She got a first, which was impressive. We had pints to celebrate. I told my mother and she said "she must be very pleased, maybe she will be in inspiration to you" - how? She does History, at a different university! It was a nice day though, I might have tanned a bit more if I hadn't spent so much of it on buses. There were some terrible roadworks and it took me an hour and a quarter to get to Leeds when it normally takes forty minutes! And I was sat next to a man who plonked himself down and said "do you not want me to sit next to you?" and then proceeded to play with - not read - his book for the rest of the journey. It can get very uncomfortable being sat next to somebody who keeps flicking the pages of a book and accidentally thwacking you with it for that length of time.

Last night I made food for everybody which got me back in the parental good books. I think my mother may now settle for my being a housewife as opposed to an academic, although she did have some words of wisdom for me after a few glasses of vino: "that chilli was bloody lovely, but you listen to me love, never become the cooker, I didn't know how to cook before I met your dad and that was the way I bloody liked it". Then I drank more wine and passed out to sleep with my laptop on my bed. So as you can see, nothing much has really changed here. I am looking forward to visiting Sheffield again a LOT. That is two consecutive Friday nights that I have stayed in and there doesn't seem to be much going on tonight, either. It is all well and good staying in but if I don't go out for so long I start to go mad.

Thinking about it now my sister has been asleep for a really, really long time. I had better go and quietly check that she is alright. I will probably get a slap but you can't be too careful. There is swine flu in Bradford now, you know! Over and out.

2009-06-21T22:59:00.004+01:00

Gosh. Hi again!

Well, I did end up going back to Sheffield for a night. It was quite nice. I went to the pub with an entire (5-a-side) football team and discussed football (I mostly nodded in agreement and gazed in to my pint glass) and apparently crude things (I remember talking about willies and I have no idea why, nor do I wish to) with them, and then crude and also important things with Cat, and went for a yummy pub dinner where we ate from a menu that had the calorie content of all its meals printed on it - qu'est-ce que c'est le point in that? My Sheffield adventure was cut somewhat short though, I was intending to stay for two nights, but then I had to dash back unexpectedly on Friday because my dad got taken in to hospital. He is alright, I think. He has pneumonia though which is pretty grim. I am hoping he is going to come home soon because being at home is really odd without my dad being here. He is keeping up his sarcastic jokes quota though, he just makes the same amount in visiting hours as he normally would in a day at home. Usually about me. Or occasionally in hushed tones about Ernie across the way. He has ended up on a ward for the elderly because the other wards had no beds. It is a laugh a minute. I had to listen to Ernie having something inserted in to his bum-oley yesterday.

Hospital business aside, home is alright. It is still mostly dull and filled with fairly pointless activities. To add to the list from last time, I have now finished "Startled By His Furry Shorts" and begun "Luuurve is a Many Trousered Thing". Georgia Nicolson is not wrong you know, it certainly is. Many many trousered. As such I no longer think the game of luuurve is for me anymore, and am thinking of becoming asexual for a while. Or at least pretending to be.

This weekend has not been boring in its entirity though, I did go to a house party last night. I bounced on a bouncy castle and went for an incredibly ill-advised walk in some woods and drank wine 'punch' - which was basically wine mixed with peach schnapps and bits of peach - a lot, ergh. I also ate enough samosas to sink a ship, and had a very inappropriate nap. Yes, nap. At a party. I don't know what is wrong with me. Actually I do, I am a fool.

Anyhow, this week I intend to be productive, and possibly start reading about amyloid cascade (whatever that is) for the very long and dull essay I have got to write. I will also practice my very best attempts at maturity and self-restraint lest I go out in public and make a fool of myself again. I have definitely become more restrained since I exited the land of teenagedom but after last night I think I could definitely do with working on it a little bit more.

2009-06-17T14:58:00.003+01:00

Miraculously managed not to get myself in to any additional scrapes during my last week (for a while, at least) in Sheffield. Even my exam didn't go as terribly as the other ones had. Then there was beer, and wine, and curry, and more beer, and cake, and even more beer. It was really a pretty good ending to the academic (though I use the term loosely) year.

Now I am in Bradford for a little while and already I miss Sheffield.

Things I have done since I have been at home:

- Read "And Then He Ate My Boy Entrancers" (yes this is categorised as young teen fiction, no I do not care).
- Facebook stalked. A lot.
- Drunk wine.
- Listened to Maxmo Park B-sides.
- Listened to Whitesnake to counteract Maximo Park-induced melancholiness.
- Eaten yummy food including curry, bangers and mash and cake.
- Started reading "Startled By His Furry Shorts" (ditto to number one).
- Texted. A lot.
-Stupidly agreed to, and went on, a 4-mile walk with my mother and the lady next door.
- Wore mother's special pink walking socks on said walk.
- Saw a sign for Boococks estate agents on said walk. This really tickled me for some reason.
- Started researching the neural basis of Alzheimer's Disease. Read something about the Amyloid Cascade hypothesis and gave up on the grounds that it is too difficult.
- Drunk coffee, a lot.
- Broken a television.
- Lost and then re-found my make-up.
- Browsed the internet for holidays I cannot afford.

It is my dad's birthday today though, which I suppose is cause for celebration. His favourite present (despite getting a new phone) was a panama hat from my sister. Unfortunately my present is somewhere in the Royal Mail, making very slow progress. I am hoping it will arrive today, at least. I am trying to cheer him up because he has got a chest infection. I even shared my baked beans with him this morning and we had a lovely cheesy beany toasty extravaganza bonding moment. I think that did cheer him up a bit. I have been making him brews too and I even sat with him for ages making him do slow deep breathing so that he might stop coughing for a bit. I am beginning to think I deserve Carer's Allowance (I am jesting, before you start to think I am some sort of unloving monster daughter).

I do wish I had a job though. I get the feeling this could be a looooong two months until I start work at the Chamber of Incessant Ringing. I will hopefully be working in Sheffield for a week in July though, that would be good...apart from any times in which I may have to flyer or ask unsuspecting members of the public to do stuff. I intend to to- and fro- between here and Sheffield and other places whilst I am in the land of the unemployed as well, so I do not enter a coma from boredom. I may yet flit back to Sheffield for the night tomorrow, depending on my dad and whether he still requires my amazing brew-making abilities.

I will keep you posted, I know you are all on the edge of your seats. All 1's of you.

2009-06-08T23:30:00.002+01:00

As predicted, exams have mostly been going badly. I am fairly sure I may have failed stats. Luckily, the exam period itself has been slightly more fun-filled than the dreadful exam halls of doom. When I have not been revising or actually doing exams I have mostly been drinking. Quite a lot has happened, actually. There has been a fair amount of activity, some of which is still unfolding. I will be discrete though, so as to protect dignity. Small things have happened mostly. Small ones, unusual ones, but vaguely exciting ones. Minor distractions, if you would. Anyway, I will stop this now. I have also acquired several beer mats along the way, one of which apparently reminded me of home. Keighley?? Seriously, real ale must be stronger than you'd think.

Cat and I have been having quite the adventure in the Loveshack. I don't really want to go home this weekend. Though I suppose at least the food is free at home, I am not sure I could survive here for much longer off anything other than pasta. With cheese, at a push. None of that Cathedral City stuff though. I could really do with a job. It is looking like there is fat chance of that prior to the end of summer though. Hardly surprising anyway is it, it is all these bloody foreigners taking all the work. That was sarcasm, just to clarify. However, on a serious note I am severely upset that there is a BNP member "representing" me in the European Parliament. I am not represented by the British National Party and I never will be. All of this news concerns me, I am genuinely concerned that one day soon I will awaken to Nick Griffin and his army of twats setting the Houses of Parliament on fire. Good lord!

Oh my, I may have just agreed to meet the PVC wonder tomorrow. I don't know what to do. I need to learn about teratogens as well you know, I do have a life other than that of alcohol and debauchery. Sometimes.

2009-05-27T13:36:00.002+01:00

Well, I was right, things did get better by Friday. Maximo Park was amazing. Life-changing even. Until we got out of the gig anyway. Went mad dancing in Tokyo, oh it is special in there. A man who looked like Jay from the Inbetweeners kept pointing at his nether regions, then faux-gasping, then apologising. I am not sure why, maybe he had herpes. It was funny though. Saturday marked a return to the Steel City and a night out where I exposed myself to the entire club and got spun around to the point of nausea by a man who was apparently Georgian. Sunday was shaping up to be quite dreary until we decided to go out for wine. 2 bottles of. I felt soothed afterwards, if a little (well , a lot) hungover. We also walked home in the dark and stargazed in the park.

So, a good weekend all-in-all. Obviously it was not without incident but that is to be expected, no?

This week is not as exciting. I have an exam tomorrow. Of course I do, why else would I be blogging? It is neuroscience. I am quite scared. I am not looking forward to my exams of Tuesday and Wednesday either. Especially not stats. I think I may make a Stats for Second Year Twats diagram, like my Stats for Twats diagram of last year except with more things that I don't understand on it.

I keep craving gin. BAD.

2009-05-19T02:39:00.002+01:00

I think I am actually finally going mad. I know I have said it before but this time I mean it. I have had 3 hours sleep in the past 36, for no particular reason. I am downloading some Lighthouse Family as I write this. I am a woman on the edge, people!

I am going to bed now though actually, Tunde Baiyewu can wait until tomorrow but my sanity can not.

I hope this week gets better. I am sleeping in tomorrow and I don't care, I might even neglect to set my alarm. It has to get better by Friday at least because Friday is Maximo Park, and I will have slept loads between now and then. Yes.

2009-05-18T02:03:00.003+01:00

Since my last blog entry I have finished lectures for the year. I am not sure what to make of this as yet. I am glad really, as it means there are no more things to be lectured on that I am going to have to know for my exams, and I will get to sleep in sometimes (although the latter is probably a bad thing in all honesty). After my last lecture I went to the pub with some people from my course and lasted a measly 45 minutes. Mostly due to feeling unwell but also a little bit due to the fact that the main bulk of conversation was about the anatomy of the eye, and dissertations. They are lovely people but I am getting quite worried by the prospect of exams, and of next year, and dislike being reminded about either of these things, especially by people who are more committed than I am.

Since lectures ended I have mostly been drinking. On Thursday, we had wine time and updated the kiss list. On Friday, I went on a date with a boy who wears PVC pants and has bleached blonde hair (he turned out to be a nice person despite his taste in trousers but still - PVC!!!), and participated in an activity which sadly will have to be added to the ever-embarrassing kiss list. Oh dear. After my - er, eventful - date, during which I learnt two magic tricks, I met Cat and we went mad dancing. We went mad dancing to a gay clubnight, which was - well - camp, and fun, and we spoke to a boy who looked exactly like Mika. Last night we went out again and drank more beer. We also saw the Pretend Stunt Man (I kid you not) friend of the boy who wears PVC pants and has bleached blonde hair; in a terribly unfortunate series of events we ended up stood near him at the bar and despite our best efforts to avoid his gaze, he ended up talking to us and asking if I had a nice time with his PVC-trousered friend. That was embarrassing, for both myself and for Cat, who was whisked across the dance floor by the Pretend Stunt Man the first time we met him, in a rather enthralling re-enactment of a scene from Dirty Dancing. I really don't know why it always happens to us. Anyway, when we got in we waited up until about 5 o' clock and watched the sun come up over Sheffield from the bottom of our street, which was quite lovely, we even took cups of coffee outside with us. Consequently though, today I awoke at 2pm and have spent most of the day pretending to revise and watching terrible TV programmes, and also purchasing milk and cheese. Ah well.

2009-05-11T16:43:00.002+01:00

My last deadline of the year - except for handing an extended essay proposal form in tomorrow, which totally doesn't count - has passed without anything too terrible happening. Apart from doing a graph wrong. I would be more pleased about this were it not for the fact that I may be suffering with swine flu. Of course, I jest - hopefully - but I am not exactly in tip-top healthy condition and as such I just made a trip to the Co-op fit for a hamster waiting to go in to hibernation, just in case. I have got lots of yummy food in my fridge now, which makes me happy. Unfortunately it is out-of-date pasta sauce for tea tonight, but tomorrow I will eat like a Queen.

I am very tired now, I think it is nap time!

2009-05-06T02:01:00.002+01:00

This is the second night in a row that I have still been awake at this time, pretending to do work and watching See Hear. It is quite informative, for instance, I have learned tonight that deaf people go to music festivals and one such man said he goes for the atmosphere and the food fights. However, I should really be either actually doing work or being pissed or sleeping less in the fashion of a bat. I cannot wait until next week when all of my deadlines are over. I am going to drink a LOT. I am due a period of debauchery. There have already been some debaucherous incidents, like the rum-and-coke-bunk-bed incident, and on Saturday night we danced madly with an alleged stunt man and his strepsil-machine-making friend, who is also in a band releasing an album called Sex Metal, apparently. But I need consistent raucousness and I need it soon.

I'm going to the big Morrisons tomorrow, I am so excited I have written my shopping list twice. If that is not procrastination at its finest, I don't know what is.

2009-04-28T16:41:00.003+01:00

I am back in Sheffield. There is nothing much to report, but everything is ok in da ends.

My last weekend at home went, well, I would like to say without incident but that is rarely the case for me, is it? It would all have been alright if I hadn't have quite so gleefully accepted the offer of drinks which did not belong to me on Saturday night. At the time I believed them to be rum and cokes but it has now emerged that the pitcher they were poured from probably contained rum, barcardi, and Jack Daniels. Consequently I came over quite the fool and ended up re-enacting a scene from Dancing on Ice in my friends' brand new kitchen, in their brand new house. In said front room of brand new house I also somehow managed to pour an entire drink in to one of my friend's shoes. In my drunken state, I used my knowledge that said friend loves shoes, and also thinks the carpet in the front room is "garish" to commit what I deemed to be the lesser of two evils by pouring said drink out of the shoe and on to the carpet. Both shoe and carpet, and my reputation, are probably now in tatters. I might have done a bad thing which resulted in me bashing my head off a bunk bed too, but less about that.

This week is going to be a bit of a bummer because I have to decide what to do for my big research project next year, and speak to several lecturers about it. I have already e-mailed them, mostly with flustered nonsense, at 2am, so they probably already think I am a pisshead (before you ask, no I wasn't drunk). Although, one of them did reply at 2:44 am so there is hope yet. I am also supposed to be choosing my modules for next year so that I know how many I have got in each semester so that I can choose which semester to do my extended essay in. And I am supposed to pick an extended essay topic. All of these things concern me slightly, but I am sure they will work out.

On a lighter note, there was a picture of a "magic bullet" vibrator in one of my lectures today. The worst of it, is that the lecturer was trying to demonstrate some sort of neuroscientific concept which he was really enthusiastic about but had obviously just got his wires crossed a little on Google images. Bless. Oh, how I sniggered.

And this blog entry is really only going to serve to increase the perverted search terms my blog appears under on Google. Ah, well.

2009-04-19T22:33:00.004+01:00

I really need to keep on top of this.

Due to my complete neglect of blogging lately, I am afraid that although I have been incommunicado for two entire weeks, you will not get to hear of all the amazing and exciting (lies, lies!) things that have been happening during that time because well, my memory doesn't stretch that far. It would also be less like a blog and more like a novel. There has been reunions, there has been awkward situations, there has been the throwing of drinks. I am not going to go in to any of those things. There has also been Wetherspoons burgers (ergh), and £2.20 pints (yay). Oh, and Easter eggs, of course. And the birthday of my sister. And a visit from my little cousins, which was mostly lovely but also resembled an episode of Outnumbered. Particularly when the youngest one asked me "what is this curvy bit on the end of the staircase called?" - do not ask me how I managed to conjure up a word that was not knob, or what said word was, but I did it.

This weekend, the Barker family descended on London. We arrived on Friday and that was probably the most exciting day of all. My mother's very efficient (and also nice) friend had managed to get us some cheap tickets to see We Will Rock You. I was quite disappointed to find that it wasn't actually exclusively about Queen, but once I got over that, and also over the fact that it was a musical, and that actually - that man with the grey hair and the guitar that they just called Brian May is really just pretending to be, it was ACE.

On Saturday I had a very posh fruity and danish pastry-ish breakfast - well I say posh, it wasn't really, but if it wasn't included in your room price already (which luckily, it was, and equally luckily, the room costs had been heavily subsidised by Tesco Clubcard vouchers) then a buffet breakfast in the hotel would have cost £24.50. Each. I mean, really. If we had actually been paying that I would have eaten the lot. And the table as well. Then we had a little boat ride on the Thames which was very lovely, and apparently I now have 5 years good luck because the people on Tower Bridge waved back at our waving boat. If the tour guide was lying, I will find him. After that we just went shopping, a lot. And on the tube, a lot. I really didn't like the tube, which was a shame because we seemed to spend about half of the weekend on it. I was amazed by the gigantic Primark and Topshop. I only bought a top all day, but ooh, I enjoyed the browsing. My sister, on the other hand, appeared to be buying the entire of London with her birthday money. Anyway, when we had finished shopping, I had a bit of a shaky moment on the tube and got told off, then we went somewhere for tea where I had a steak baguette which tasted like bits of burnt pan. But I ate it and smiled because it cost my mother and father eight quid. Can you believe that? Eight English pounds for burnt meat and a few chips. Then we went back to the hotel where there was an argument, which is another thing I will not detail. Sometimes I think we would be dysfunctional even if we went to the Bahamas.

Then today, we mostly packed things, and I ate a more normal breakfast of sausage and bacon and hash browns and scrambled egg, and I really wished I had stuck to the fruity one of yesterday. I only ate one spoonful of egg because it looked, and tasted, so revolting. How they were charging so much for food I have got no idea, but when I am older I think I may go in to the hotel business myself. What a rip-off, and at least I can make scrambled eggs. After the disappointing brekkie, mother and I took my sister for one last whizz down Oxford street where she bought even more clothes and my mother treated me to a dress that I have been coveting for ages, which was very nice of her. Then we got the train home. Which was mostly uneventful except for the bit where a horse decided to get on the line just before Wakefield. Which would have been entertaining in itself, but the tannoy commentary was superior even to the thought of Black Beauty parading around the train tracks, my favourite snippet being: "it seems that the driver has got off the train and is now attempting to shoo the horse away, National Express apologise for any inconvenience this delay may have caused you".

Nothing normal ever happens to me.

2009-04-05T13:56:00.002+01:00

Home is, thus far, somewhat of an anticlimax. I have been back for 48 hours and the most noteable events to have occured are my mother deleting me from Facebook, and a glass being smashed. Not the best of starts, then?

In order to combat the dreariness of this weekend I have even resorted to doing work. Well, sort of. Mostly I have been toying with the idea of doing work. However, I do need to write a 4,000 word lab report about - something else made-up - the paranormal, ooheee. I also need to decide on a research question for my dissertation, and my "extended (argh!) essay" for next year. Along with a lot of reading that I should have really done already. So far I have written a page of the lab report and had a nosey around some e-journals. I don't think I am doing badly. It is boring though, so boring.

My dad watched Eastenders with me the other day, something which he will never normally do. When I explained the current storyline to him he suggested that I do my dissertation on the link between watching Eastenders and being depressed. I am vaguely tempted to agree with him; after investing 6 months of my life waiting for Danielle to reveal to Ronnie that she was her daughter, only to watch her die within half an hour of making the revelation. You sort of get to thinking, what's the point? You know you should stop watching, but you're hooked. You are no longer in control of your own viewing habits.

Anyway, I digress. And I do not think Eastenders would be deemed a suitable research avenue by anybody in the Psychology department.

This week I am mostly going to busy myself with shopping, cooking, drinking, and possibly frolicking around parks or even glens if the weather is nice. Oh, and doing work. Obviously.

2009-04-01T23:19:00.003+01:00

Hi again, blog.

Since I last wrote in you, I have mostly been drinking wine (oooh, I am so unpredictable, I know), dancing with people with moustaches tattooed on their index fingers, handing in a terrible assignment about a made-up study, and watching seemingly endless amounts of TV. I have developed quite the addiction to both Eastenders and Waterloo Road. And The Alan Titchmarsh Show. And Deal Or No Deal. I am actually considering a change of direction and pursuing a career working for Take A Break or TV Quick. I cannot think of anything out of the ordinary that has happened apart from the electricity tripping quite a bit and the oven breaking. We had to get the electricians round and everything. I have one more full day left in Sheffield and a lecture on Friday morning before I go home for Easter. I can't wait. Since this afternoon the house has been deathly silent; Cat returned home for the holidays today, and our only means of communicating with The Other Housemate these days is via the medium of post-it. I am a bit freaked out.

2009-03-22T16:30:00.002Z

I write this from home. There is nothing much to report, it is just that I am trying to distract myself from the guilt of not using my dad's computer to stick the USB stick I brought back with me in it and do some work. Which is ironic, because blogging also makes me feel quite guilty anyway. I am sure doing work would make me feel better, the thought of the upcoming deadlines I have got has been causing undertones of stress ever since I was given the last assigment to do on Tuesday. Ah, well.

I can't really remember much of what has happened since I last blogged. TV-watching, Maximo Park-listening and wine-drinking mostly I suspect. Oh, there was a party on Tuesday. That was quite fun. Apart from when I smoked a little bit of a menthol cigarette and had to spit it out, which wasn't so fun (or attractive, probably). It was a nice night though and it was nice to see people. The ones that we knew, anyway, and that weren't spreading rumours about an imaginary lady called Jill.

Since Friday I have been in Bradders. It has passed without incident (so far, anyway). I even got lamb for tea last night. Mmmmmm. I did make the mistake of watching Notting Hill afterwards which depressed me a little, but that is mostly by the by. I just have an aversion to love stories at the moment. And love songs, actually. Clearly I am just bitter and cold-hearted.

Today is mother's day and my mum was very appreciative of her flowers and her scarf this morning. She was also appreciative of the hydration backpack Jenny got her (which to be honest was far superior to my present, though I'm not sure she enjoyed the reminder of her impending 3 Peaks Challenge considering she fell in a ditch yesterday and gave herself a black eye). We have been to see both of my grandmas. First off we went to the home to see my mum's mum, who actually looked a lot better than usual. She was a bit sad when we first got there, but I couldn't help but smile when she was trying to tell us she thinks she might go home because "it's not right here, and look, these are COLD", whilst brandishing two Nice biscuits. She cheered up though and it was really nice to see her, and she practically force fed me two of the Milk Tray chocolates my mum had bought her. It was like being a kid again. Yum. After that we went on the quite long car journey to see my dad's mum, where we got fed sandwiches and buns and we saw my auntie and uncle as well. That was nice. I am quite sleepy now though. I think I have energy slumps at about 4 o' clock most days, I might start scheduling myself a nap in from now on. Maybe then I would be mega productive when I woke up. You never know.

Back to Sheffield tomorrow. Next week should be good I hope. I believe Katie is paying another visit and there should be dancing and the like. I'm not looking forward to having to do work though, or to being in the same country - and less still the same house - as our weirdo housemate (he has been abroad since Thursday, we practically rubbed ourselves everywhere on Thursday night...well we didn't really but we had wine in celebration). I have decided though that I am going to try to be positive, lest I induce some kind of nervy breakdown. Yes.

2009-03-14T16:06:00.002Z

March is not doing very well on the blog post front, is it?

I have nothing much to say apart from that bacon and cheese and onion topped baps really do not go well together. I feel very light headed today, sort of like I have been doing magic mushrooms (or at least how I would imagine that to feel). I thought food would help but it seems I was wrong. Perhaps if I had not picked such a vile combination of things I would have had more success. I was going to do some work but I may have to have another lie-down. We are going to visit our old flatmates later, with wine. In other news there is no other news, really. Went out last night and got accosted by some weird blokes who said they were going to roast some vermin as a snack when they got home. We ran away. It has taken me an entire week to read one chapter of a book (and I have still not technically finished it). I have to write the method for an experiment to test the existence of extra sensory perception by Tuesday. Wicked. Who said psychology was a pseudo-science, eh?!

2009-03-05T16:55:00.002Z

My first "helping-out" session at the school happened yesterday, and was mostly incident-free. I had to help a boy in year 6 to write about snakes. Another boy on his table asked me if I had MSN and I said no. Obviously. Then the boy I was helping picked up the table when I turned around. Apart from that though, it was fun. Also, I am totally no longer doing this volunteering business out of the goodness of my heart (not that I ever was, but you know), because it means a free return journey to Morrisons every Wednesday for as long as I am helping out (we get to claim travel expenses back and it is on the same route). Up until yesterday, Morrisons was a mythical place of magic and mystery, but I got to experience it for myself and it was good. I bought wine, pizza, tomatoes, salad, chocolate cupcakes, and cheese and onion bread. All for a tenner. It was huge (Morrisons, not the tenner which was average sized). I was so excited. Then last night John came over and between him, myself, and Cat, we consumed the wine, pizza and cupcakes, plus crisps and dips and more wine provided by Cat, and beer provided by John. It was a feast fit for Kings and Queens. We also watched Waterloo Road and listened to X-rated reggae. It was a good time. Today has mostly been unproductive apart from my attendance at a lecture and a visit to the Co-op. However, I am going to start an essay just as soon as I have finished this cup of tea and chocolate. Honest.

2009-03-02T23:45:00.002Z

I am sat here, all snuggled up in my big fluffy blanket, and I absolutely cannot wait to get in to bed soon. I actually think I might be able to sleep properly for once. This is the first time I have felt normal in about a week. Mostly due to feeling under the weather and also to beer and dancing. Beer and dancing was very fun though, we saw a lot of Katie on the weekend and I even managed to have fun in a novelty t-shirt (though when I got in and removed it from my person there was a gigantic penis on the back of it and also other items of graffiti such as "Sally loves girls", "FILTH", etc etc). On Saturday I made a brief visit home for a family gathering. The gathering was pretty dull, especially as I was on coke, but it was very nice to see everybody. I also got fed stew and dumplings and yorkshire puddings and mash on Sunday and then got given a lift back, which was nice.

Now it is no longer the weekend, and that is a shame. Today brought several wasted hours of my life in the form of a lab class in which I had train a computer generated rat (called Sniffy!!) to press a lever in order to get cheese. I am really unsure what the point was, or why I am even paying tuition fees to partake in such activities, but oh well. It also brought Bill (and assorted other house related) Issues, or rather the sorting out of them. That was not so fun at the time (except for when I swore, which felt pretty good) but I feel a bit better now. Other than that it has been a quiet day, which is probably a good thing because I am tiiiiiiiired.

I need to do some work this week. And also drink, I am craving wine already and it is only Monday. Well, Tuesday if we're being pedantic (which I'm definitely not, I haven't slept yet). On that note, I think it is bedtime.

2009-02-26T15:22:00.001Z

Oh my, long time no post. There is nothing out of the ordinary to report. This week I have mostly been in bed, if I'm honest. I appear to have acquired some germs, I suspect them to be the ones The Boy We Mistakenly Let Live With Us has been sneezing all over the house for the past fortnight. Consequently I have not gone to any lectures since Monday. I ventured out yesterday afternoon for some Child Protection training (and I shit you not, the woman who was running it introduced it as "Child Protection: The Positive Side to Child Abuse". I mean, really). That was challenging, in several ways, but mostly in the way that I felt like I had been on a treadmill for 5 hours after I walked up the hills back to my house. Normally, I only feel like I have been on a treadmill for about half an hour. I have been eating lots of food though, including cinammon and raisin bagels, salad, turkey sandwiches, chocolate buttons, and grapes. I have also had several cups of tea (and even made one for a workman whose face appeared at the back window for the umpteenth time today and asked "are you missing the snow?!". No, I am not. But I will make you a brew as you have been trying to catch our attention for one since this morning). I do feel quite a lot better than I did this morning, which is good, because tonight we are going on a bar crawl. With t-shirts and everything. This is the sort of thing I normally do not do because novelty t-shirts are possibly my least favourite objects in the world, however, it is exciting despite the ridiculous clothing because the lovely Katie - who has been away for months and months having her insides repaired - is back for the week and coming too. I hope it is good. I also hope I do not get too stupidly drunk because tomorrow I have to be up for 10am to do a psychology experiment - about the paranormal, no less. Psi, it is called. I am going to have to have my wits about me for the purposes of "sending" and "receiving" psychic messages. Which is going to be difficult considering it is probably not even real. Then at night we are going out again. Busy busy busy. But hopefully fun too, so long as the germs do not engulf my entire immune system before then. Which I doubt. You know me and being dramatic. Better go anyway, something just dropped through the letterbox and I've a funny feeling it is something I do not want to be stood on.

2009-02-18T23:53:00.003Z

I have spent the past 3 hours gazing at a book as though the words will magically transfer in to my brain, being achey, thinking about cake, and also thinking about wine. I just realised I have not been pissed since Friday! Friday!! In fact, not one single morsel of alcohol has passed my lips since Friday. This is catastrophic. Clearly. However, there may be wine tomorrow. Maybe even fizzy wine. And on Friday I am going to drink free wine, because I'm going home for the weekend. Which I'm excited about.

This week has been draining. Mostly because I don't sleep enough really, but still, I worry about how I will fare in the 'real world' if I cannot survive a full day of lectures without almost dying at the end of it, I really do. I have also been flyering for money and have now made a promise to myself not to flyer for money, or anything else for that matter, in the future. If I ever have to utter the words "free" and "snooker" again I may spontaneously combust. I have also given up my soul (well, a bit of it) to the world of volunteering. I will be coming to a primary school near you (well probably not near you but you know) soon. To help with literacy, apparently. I'm quite looking forward to it in a way, but not to getting the tram there, especially not at 10am. I had a training session today and we got asked to write our hopes and fears on post-its. I wrote "tram" on my fear one because I am scared of getting lost. Unfortunately, now the volunteering lady thinks I have an intense fear of trams, and even said they would pay for a taxi if "whoever wrote it has a genuine phobia". The post-its were anonymous but I went bright red and the boy next to me who saw me write it laughed, so everyone probably knows me as That Girl Who's Scared of Trams now. I mean, I am a bit, but not that much.

Anyway, other than doing unusual and tiresome things like Tutor Training (I mean, really) and Flyering I have mostly been watching TV and drinking tea. Last night, Cat and I even watched an episode of Shameless for the second time in a week! We are so cool. I am like a grandma, I swear. No more! My resolution for the rest of term is to drink more. And avoid the marketing office like the plague so as not to get landed any more flyering slots. I'd rather stick things in my eyes, really I would.

2009-02-14T19:30:00.002Z

Wow. The Bob Marley tribute night really lived up to my expectations. In fact I would probably say it surpassed them actually.

I drank gin. I painted Cat's face. I had my face painted by Cat. A lady in a high visibility jacket painted both of our faces with UV and glitter. I drank vodka. I danced. I drank beer. I had a man tell me I have "got rhythm". I came home. I was quite drunk and Cat looked after me. I was amazed when an entire pizza appeared as if by magic. I felt a bit better after I ate some of it. I went to bed. I woke up this morning with glitter everywhere and vague memories of the same man who told me I had rhythm repeatedly saying "yeees, yeeeees" in my ear whilst we were dancing.

Oh my.

I am very distractable and sleepy right now. I really, really need to read about psychology and stuff though. I actually did a little bit of reading yesterday and now I know more than I did before about schizophrenia and neuroleptics. Still, I know nothing much of anything else. Tomorrow though, I am going to go to the library. Maybe. Yerrrrr.

2009-02-13T13:12:00.002Z

Lectures have been going okay this week, actually. However, I have not been carrying out my initial, flawless (obviously) plan to Do The Reading. I am going to do it when I have written this though. Really. I am going to do all the reading they have given us in lectures this week, and have decided I will catch up with the reading from last semester in the Easter holidays because there is just too much of it. This morning, a lecturer was telling us about XXX syndrome (where a female has an extra X chromosome) and the title of her slide was XXX Females. She told us to "be very careful when searching for this on the internet, I would advise you to always use the word syndrome as a search term rather than just females". Ha. I bet she would. Filth, pure filth! Unfortunately I didn't just snigger like everybody else, oh no, I raised them a guffaw. It was almost a l-o-l, really, just as everybody went quiet. So now, I look like a pervert. Yay!

I can't believe it is Friday, the week has just gone so fast. I don't even know where the time went. To flyering, giving out free spatulas, 3 Accidental Pints and talking about the word QUIM, eating roast beef wraps (yum yum), drinking wine and listening to reggae and dancehall, talking bollocks, and being angry about cutlery, mostly. What a life I do lead.

Tonight I think I am going to a Bob Marley tribute night. I absolutely cannot wait.

2009-02-10T01:27:00.003Z

I am in lectures at 9am. I have to get up in 6 hours. I am not sure why I am still awake. I did finish the book read-y work (although I think that only finding the relevant pages from the glossary was cheating somewhat) before though. It was even vaguely interesting. Except then I watched Channel 4 Online for hours on end. I even watched an episode of You Are What You Eat: Gillian Moves In. I am not sure why I did that, but it has put me off Baileys for life. Mostly I was avoiding reading Biopsychology, but maybe that is understandable since I had already read some educational material today. I am definitely going to read some of it tomorrow. Yer.

Right now, I think it is bedtime. I need all of my energy for tomorrow when I will be attending a neuroscience lecture, and a stats workshop, and then flyering. My fave.

2009-02-08T23:30:00.002Z

A few words of advice:

Never purchase a Heinz 'Soup of the World'. I had one for my tea (Morrocan lamb, chickpea and cous cous - apparently - it tasted, and smelt, like blended curry to me) and I have since had two cups of tea, a glass of apple juice, and brushed my teeth and I can still taste it. Yuck.

Never live with anyone you don't know. He is going to feel my wrath tomorrow though, and this time I mean it. Really. Furthermore, if he doesn't clean the grill pan between now and then (which is hardly likely) I will be using it as visual evidence of his laziness (he said he would clean it over a week ago). He left little hairs all over the (clean!) sink before when he had a shave as well. Ew.

Never do a psychology degree. You might be forced to contemplate why there is so much popular press reporting of the paranormal but so little scientific investigation in to its existence, whilst reading a 12 chapter book which could easily be condensed to a paragraph. Probably. Incidentally, I haven't done either of those things yet.

Never do a degree in general, actually. Lectures begin again tomorrow and I don't want to goooooo. First one is about stats. I am holding on to the hope that we have the lecturer who has 5 minute interludes halfway through his lectures. And a very large, er, bulge, to boot. That is if I even make it to my lecture in all of the ice.

Which brings me to my last point, never live in a house which is up a massive hill when it is snowy outside. Unless you are competent at ice skating. Eek.

That whole positive counter-thoughts resolution is really taking a nosedive isn't it? Erm.........Well. I managed to answer one of the questions from this book-read-y assignment before. Only 7 more to go!! Oh, and before, my mum phoned me to say we're going to London for the weekend in April. Which should be fun.

2009-02-08T11:57:00.002Z

I am ever so sleepy. It has been quite a busy weekend. On Friday night Cat and I decided to make a change from our usual Friday night adventure to the Academy and went to The Leadmill instead. It was quite fun, mostly because we drank copious amounts of Carlsberg. It was a bit like being in a music time warp though, a music time warp that was full of people on drugs. Seriously. However, we managed to enjoy ourselves anyway.

Last night Taaryn and Amy came over and we went to see a gig. I hadn't really listened to, or heard of, the band (The Thermals, if you're interested) before. But they were good, and had a very beautiful drummer. Who Taaryn grabbed afterwards. Ha. It was very lovely to see them both again and also to drink gin. Yummy.

They had to leave early though, so we got up at 9am. 9am! On a Sunday! I made a cheesy toasty breakfast for them (I am like Nigella) and now they are gone and I am trying to do some work (I say trying - I am looking at the sheet of questions and letting my eyes go out of focus every so often). I think food would help but The Boy has shut himself in the front room - with the lights on and the curtains shut - temporarily so I think I shall wait until he has scarpered. He is being very surly with us at the minute and I don't wish to get in any awkward conversations with him right now. The last time he spoke to me, his opening line was - "a big black man came up to me for directions before". As you may gather from this, he is not much fun to speak to. I am only glad there was not a punchline. If there had been, I think he might have had a punchline of his own. In his face.

I have got myself in a mood now and I didn't mean to do that. I am quite happy really apart from living in a house with a moron.

I might have a nap.

2009-02-06T00:56:00.003Z

OK, somebody found this blog by searching for:

how can i remain positive and keep doing my best when i have a mental illness and i am apart from my children personal stories

on Google.

I am vaguely concerned. I haven't got a (diagnosed, at least) mental illness, nor do I have any children, that I am apart from or otherwise.

Google, what are you playing at?! I somehow really don't think the person who ended up discovering my blog after using that search term found what they were looking for.

Another person found it by searching for "Robert Webb". That is more like it. Maybe it was him? Hi Robert, if you are reading. Love you.

And finally, someone found me by searching for "cheerfulmistakes", which is a bit stalky. Gosh.

There is really no point to this entry, I just remembered how to see the search queries that had resulted in people clicking on my blog, and was a little taken aback at my findings. The last time I stumbled upon this feature, someone had found me by Googling "froturism".

Perhaps I should just stop blogging.

In other news, I have mostly been trying not to fall over on the snow and ice, buying food from Evangelical Vegans, scaring myself by looking at the 3rd year schedule for my course (there is a module called "neurons, images, and chaos" - what does that even mean?!), and re-arranging my room. I will probably wake up with a shriek tomorrow morning as I will forget where I am.

25 Facts about me.

2009-02-04T01:17:00.002Z

Me me me, because my life no longer revolves around pretending to revise and panicking (about exams, at least). Inspired by some....thing....on Facebook (where I do not wish to broadcast this).

1. I pretend like I have plans (vague ones, at least) for the rest of my life but really I have no idea what I want to do. I am not sure I ever really will.
2. I actually like it when I have a job to do because it takes my mind off things, and paid work is the only thing that ever really springs me in to productivity (except when it involves phoning China to speak to 'Pu', that is the point where I sit and use avoidance tactics for as long as possible).
3. I want to go to Tokyo one day.
4. I'm not sure why apart from that it looks really exciting. I want to go back to New York one day for the same reason.
5. In primary school everyone thought I was a bit weird. I did used to wear my coat upside down and my shoes on the wrong feet (by accident) to be fair though.
6. I felt really guilty for years about the time when I threw a stone in the playground when I was 6 and it accidentally hit a boy called Shaun on the head and he cried and the dinner lady called me naughty. I still felt guilty after I told the priest at confession (I was a Good Catholic Girl back in the day, you know). It was only years later when I saw him in a pub with some people I knew that I drunkenly apologised and resolved the issue (which incidentally was just my issue, he had no idea what I was prattling on about).
7. With hindsight, that was a pretty silly thing to feel guilty about and I have no idea why I did. However, I feel the same way about the time I accidentally put salt in the sugar pot at home and then left it there because I thought I would get told off for wasting salt. To be fair though, that was pretty bad and my dad was going to go to the doctors.
8. You may not believe this one, but I was actually Confirmed, and my Confirmation name was Louise. Unfortunately I no longer believe in Catholicism.
9. I went to Lourdes on a school trip when I was 15 and partook in karaoke with my friend Stacey. We sang Ironic by Alanis Morrissette and it was one of the only times I have not felt stupid when stood up in front of a group of people. I am not sure why but I think it was because they were all wearing horrendous yellow t-shirts.
10. The only other time I have not felt stupid when stood up in front of a group of people was the time when I put on a gaelic football shirt and attempted to catch a gaelic football from a professional gaelic football player. I was being paid though, and egged on by a group of gifted and talented Mancunian children.
11. Working on the summer school where that happened was the best thing I have ever been paid to do.
12. Actually, with the possible exception of being paid to drink free wine on the last day of my job at the Call Centre in the summer.
13. Wine is my favourite drink. White wine. Dry, if you're offering.
14. It does make me do stupid things though and it was a wine-fuelled night 2 years ago almost to the day which led to the unfortunate demise of all of my morals and also a terrible crush.
15. I dislike holding positions of power. Fortunately, the most powerful position I have ever held is that of Vice President of the Psychology Society. I lasted for two weeks and then I quit.
16. I fancy two of my lecturers though. And Prince Harry. And Barack Obama. Maybe that means I am sexually attracted to other people who hold positions of power?
17. The only (edible) thing I absolutely wont eat ever, under any circumstances, is rhubarb crumble. Just, ew.
18. The only (drinkable) thing I absolutely wont drink ever, under any circumstances, is tomato juice. Ew ew ew.
19. I once wouldn't drink coffee for ages because a boy at school told me it was made of rabbit droppings.
20. I felt really stupid when I asked the science teacher why it was OK to drink rabbit poo but not other kinds of poo.
21. I think I need to stop using coffee as a means of staying up late to do things I should have done earlier in the day
22. I think I need to stop staying up so late full stop.
23. When I was younger I used to kid myself that if I did really silly things like staying up all night or skipping every other step in my house when someone was poorly, then they would get better.
24. Sometimes I wish I still thought the world worked like that now.
25. I am quite scared to post this now, it is probably the most honest I have ever been on the internet. But I am going to do it anyway. Because it took bloody ages.

2009-02-02T21:56:00.002Z

I have an exam at 9am tomorrow. 9-a-m. That is in around 11 hours time. I have still got an entire topic to learn (of which there are 6. Well, actually there are 12 but I am hedging my bets). However, I am trying to remain optimistic (and calm - something I am finding surprisingly easy considering the impending doom - I knew getting in my pyjamas was a mistake) about the whole thing. Psychology Claire phoned me before and I thought I would be panicked by this as usually she knows more about psychology than I do, but in actual fact she was phoning to a) tell me to look up a video entitled "jizz in my pants" on youtube (which I didn't do because, well, I just didn't) and b) to tell me that a part of the reading for the topic I have not started yet (visual perception, if you were wondering, which I am sure you all were) is about Jizz. Naturally, I thought she was jesting, but alas - no! Suddenly this exam has developed a whole new exciting dimension. And I quote:

Bird watchers also often recognize different species by their characteristic flight. Indeed, birders have developed a special skill, called recognition by jizz. This is the ability to absorb a wide range of information about a bird in the few seconds before it dives behind a rock or up a tree. Jizz entails taking account of a bird's colour, size, sound, and movement - and also but not only its shape. Jizz refers to the 'feel' of the bird.
(Stone, 2008).

I am now quite disappointed that I had not begun my revision (well, learning really) sooner. But, I can only do my best now. I am going to incorporate the concept of recognition by jizz in to my exam if it is the last thing I ever do.

Which it might be - because oh-my-goodness-have-you-seen-the-snow? I know you have seen the snow because IT IS SNOWING EVERYWHERE. They said on the news. Nobody can leave their houses or they might die. I have to leave my house tomorrow to go to this exam (and to the pub afterwards) so if I never blog again, you know why. It was the snow that did it. I am optimistic about my survival though as I have already been out in the snow today and I am still here to tell the tale. We made a snow face (not enough snow for a snowman) with a sweet potato nose and a raisin mouth and we wrote rude words in the snow in our back garden.

Other things I have done today which were not revison are sweeping the kitchen floor and cleaning the kitchen. The Boy We Mistakenly Let Live With Us came in halfway through and said "what is that noise?". It is the sweeping brush, twatbag, clearly you have never swept the kitchen floor before or you would know. And oh, there is more: "I wiped the tops down after I cooked last night, are you doing it again?". Yes, I am doing it again, because there were still crumbs everywhere. GOD. I have also eaten a lot of sweets (tooty frooties have shrunk since I last bought some), drank a lot of sugary coffee, and listened to a lot of Maximo Park (going to see them in May, yayyyyyyyyy).

I really don't want to go to this exam at all, it is 3 hours long. Though, I am looking forward to it being over I suppose. And now I must stop visualising the beer at the end of the exam and start visualising the beginning of the exam when I see the paper and do not know any of the answers, unless I revise right now.

Ok, going. Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

2009-01-29T20:40:00.003Z

I was meant to be doing work today.

Instead, I have mostly ridiculed/taken pity on The Boy - who got beaten up last night. Apparently, he deserved it (by his own admission) so I am not going to argue with that. "Aw don't beat yourself up about it" was probably the best timed string of words I have ever uttered.

Anyway, after I managed to escape the kitchen and Boy's musings about his thrashing, I sat in my room for ooh, at least two hours. Sometimes I was Facebooking and sometimes I was attempting to replicate the amazing accidental-backwards-roll I did off my bed last night, and sometimes I was trying to get presale tickets for Maximo Park, and sometimes I was texting. Never was I learning things about memory, or vision, or perception, or anything else related to Cognition. Oops.

Then, I went to see Psychology Claire in the hope it may inspire me to revise. It didn't. Although I did find out something interesting about Shark Fin Soup, i.e. that it exists. You can eat it in Malaysia, apparently.

Then I went to the Co-op, and then I came back home, where I made tuna and sweetcorn pitta breads for tea, and cut my finger on a can in the process. Then I watched News 24 with Cat and Mark. Now I am in my room and I am meant to be revising before we start drinking wine later.

Instead I am blogging.

If only they did degrees in blogging. Or Facebooking. Or eating. Or drinking wine.

2009-01-27T22:26:00.002Z

Well, that is one exam out of the way, at least. It went, okay. I think I knew the answers to most of the multiple choice questions (or at least I hope I did), but I wrote what was possibly the worst essay of my entire life. I am resting my hopes on the fact that as I had not hand-written an essay in so long, my writing became almost unreadable half way through. And let's face it - the second half could have been better than Piaget's stage theory of cognitive development itself, right? I only hope the examiner makes that assumption. I did at least have some patchy knowledge though so I (hopefully, fingers crossed etc) have not failed. Though, I really need to pull my finger out as of now (well, tomorrow) because not-failing is not a very ambitious aspiration, nor will it get me very far in life.

In other news, other than the brief reprieve of a (tasty, but regrettably garlic-less - as the garlic had gone green!!) massive plate of chilli for tea, tonight has not really been a barrel of laughs either. The Boy started singing, again. Loudly. He also sang this morning at 8.40am (after I had not got to sleep until 5am). Loudly. So, I stomped down the stairs and shouted "Boy" (obviously I used his real name, this is not Oliver twist). Nothing. Cat shouted. Nothing. Anyway, after much umming and ahhing, Cat (who is far braver than I) went downstairs whilst he was eating and actually confronted him (as opposed to fruitlessly confronting him from behind a bathroom door) about his dulcet tones. Then we had a bit of a House Meeting. Which was vaguely uncomfortable, but things that needed to be said got said, mostly. He was almost speaking like a normal adult might by the end of the conversation. (I still think he's a bit of a prick, though). I feel marginally happier now, although I am having yet another headache. And my neck is achey. Very achey. I wish I had a masseuse-friend.

I think I am going to take some painkillers and then rub my head whilst listening to Imogen Heap for the next half-an-hour and then watch Shameless when it gets put on 4OD. With a lovely BREW. Tea, not coffee. I don't wish to start twitching again.

2009-01-26T03:26:00.003Z

So, that whole "learning loads about child development" thing was a lie. I am extra disappointed because I dragged myself out of bed at 8.30am with a fabulous and (I thought) totally flawless plan to actually read the textbook, at least. As it stands, I managed to finish the chapter I started 2 days ago. Which I was about 7 pages from the end of. In 18 hours! I did have a fudge-and-coffee induced sugar rush about 3 hours ago and managed to summarise said chapter on an A4 sheet using felt tips. This does not, however, compensate for the fact that I still know not one iota about emotional development, attachment, or peer relationships. I also know very little about Piaget, Vygotsky, heredity and the environment, pre-natal development and birth, etc. Arrrrrrrrrrgh. On the other hand I know absolutely loads about the Tyrannosaurus Rex (did you know that they had protofeathers?!), a restaurant in London where you pay £32 to eat 3 courses of "surprise food" in the dark (no I am not joking), and Hawaii.

Look how beautiful it is. Beautiful and sunny and hot and right now it is 23^oC. In January!! Why am I not there? Why why why?

I am stressed now, and also at that weird stage of being too tired to do anything constructive but too awake with panic and coffee to sleep.

But I think I ought to go to bed. Like, now. For it is all my own fault that I am so badly prepared for my exam and the very least I can do now is go to bed and try to get up early enough to maybe learn something tomorrow. I wish I was motivated at all.

Tomorrow I will be motivated. That is not even a lie. Well, it possibly is. But if it is, then I am definitely going to fail.

2009-01-24T18:24:00.003Z

Gosh.

I had quite a lot of beer last night and when I woke up this morning I decided I was never going to leave my bed ever again. Eventually I managed to pull myself together (I wanted caffeine) and leave bed. I then proceeded to have a 2-hour breakfast (at 2 o' clock in the afternoon). Then I came upstairs where I still am, and the only thing even remotely like revision that I have done is looking up past papers and recoiling in horror. I did discover by logging in to my e-mails though, that I actually managed to get a 2:1 on The Stats Assignment Of Doom I was whinging about back in November. Which is good. I really fancy a nap. But no. I must fling myself in to my studies. And I must find it really painfully interesting. Because that is what you are supposed to think your degree is, right? Interesting? Yes it is.

Much more interesting right at this moment time are: shirtless photographs of Barack Obama, recipes for mushroom lasagne (I'm not sure why either as I am clearly never going to make lasagne from scratch), grapes, fudge, and Obama merchandise. Look, at, this:

Anyway, back to the point, all of those things are of great interest to me, clearly. But I am making it my mission to find my degree interesting, too. And I'm sure I would find it interesting if I tried. I will find it interesting, and I will learn loads about child development. Yeah!

I would also like to point out that my textbook contains the words "ooglie ooglie googlie googlie". Ha. £3,145 a year in tuition fees. AND £39.99 for the textbook. And I am learning how to babble authentically.

2009-01-21T21:32:00.002Z

I am perhaps not in such a good mood anymore (although, what sort of good mood would last for a week anyway?). My head hurts, it really hurts, and as a consequence of this I am getting no further with the 7 chapters from the Massive Textbook of Death that I need to have practically memorised by Tuesday. Multiple Choice Questions: they used to sound so amazing until I found out they were negatively marked.

The Boy That We Mistakenly Let Live With Us is doing my head in just by existing - and also has a new haircut which makes him look like Hitler. If he grows a 'tash I might actually try to get him arrested using false allegations of anti semitism.

I want to cry.

Positive counter thought: I have a new found liking of cup-a-soups (although it didn't have the desired effect of soothing my headache). Obama is sexy. I have amazing fudge in my possession. Actually I think the painkillers may be kicking in a little. Maybe I will even get around to learning about "fetal brain behavior". Bloody Americans. Apart from Obama, mmmmm. He can drop his u's and s's anytime he likes.

2009-01-15T15:27:00.002Z

I am in a very good mood today, so I thought, perfect time for a blog. As usually my blogs end up whingey and that is no fun. I mean, I am sure there will be whinges involved but, HAPPY.

I have been in a good mood since Tuesday actually, when something - funnily enough, something really sad - prompted me to realise that life is not for the wasting, and I decided that in the summer I am going to get me a pashmina and a coat made from llama wool and go to Peru, like the woman in a Sophie Kinsella book I once read. I mean, maybe that was a bit extreme, but I had taken anti histamines and had wine. But essentially I am just going to make the most of things more instead of moping around. And do more stuff.

I didn't really do much of anything at the beginning of the week (other than have my epiphany about Peru, of course), but as a result of not doing much I made a few further exciting discoveries. Such as a wonderful metallic teal coloured eyeshadow in and amongst the giant pile of make up I accumulated at Christmas. And an old Jack Johnson album. I also discovered a few things about visual perception, which was dull, but productive.

Then yesterday I actually left the house (!!) and paid a visit to Jamie. We made chilli, and watched this really weird film with Will Smith in. Then I accidentally missed the last bus. Which was a good thing because we didn't have to go out in the cold and it was nice and I had a well good sleep (apart from the fact that I kept having loads of really weird dreams and probably talked in my sleep, which is one of my greatest fears in the presence of others). What was not quite as nice was getting up this morning looking very disheveled, with no spare clothing, or even so much as a mascara to hand, and getting two whole buses. But it was worth it.

Alas I am very sleepy now and fear I may need to have a nap before I am able to do any revision. It is a hard life. Maybe I'll give myself the day off and revise tomorrow before I go out. To an authentic Polish Club. For an "alt pop party". I can't wait. At least I don't think I can wait.

2009-01-11T11:29:00.004Z

I had a great time last night, but I am very much regretting it now. I may never drink again. I really, really, really need to revise today as I have been ever so slacky in the learning things department this week. I might have to wait until I've managed to eat something first though as right now I feel very incredibly nauseous and I do not want vomit on Child Psychology: A Contemporary Viewpoint, it cost about a million quid. And besides, I just misread Structural-Organismic Perspectives as Sexual-Orgasmic Perspectives. I thought for a minute that psychology was about to get interesting. Goddddd.

In other news, there may be a video of me ballet dancing to Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah appearing on Facebook anytime soon. I am concerned.

I am shaking. Oh dear.

2009-01-08T13:07:00.003Z

I'm baaaaaack! Also I am calm. Weirdly calm, actually. I don't think I have felt this calm in ages. Calm calm calm. Anyway, apart from The Seven Hour Itch: Return of the Rash plaguing my sleep a little last night, everything is fine. It would be nice if I could have a normal or even aesthetically pleasing affliction for once, but you can't have it all, can you? I am buying an allergy cover for my quilt and if that doesn't work I may pluck up the courage to pay a medic a visit. Eesh.

But never mind all of that, I am just about to enjoy the lovely lovely brew I just made myself along with some yummy chocolate and then I am going to hit the books for a bit. Revision, ahoy!

2009-01-05T23:16:00.002Z

Oh, I wish I knew what to do. I am going to take up meditation and yoga to lull myself in to a state of serenity and peace at all available opportunities. I want to cry. I might not blog for a while because looking back on my previous January experiences, they always seem to be pretty angst-ridden. I suppose it is always an overload compared with December. At the minute this January feels like it may go a similar way. I might be wrong, and I hope I am, but if I am right then I promise I shall not inflict it on you as well, blog.

I'll be back when, and only when, I am the Queen of Calm. It seems a bit late in the day to teach myself yoga right now though so I may have to resort to reading Working Memory In Perspective to attempt to sooth myself. I never thought I would think a psychology textbook might be soothing, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

2009-01-02T01:16:00.000Z

Oooh bugger, I forgot my positive counter thought!!

Jonathan Creek was dead good. Also, I suppose having burning red cheeks gives a bit of, er, colour to my complexion. Right? Right.

2009-01-02T01:09:00.002Z

Oh, Christ. My cheeks are bright red. So are my ear lobes. They have been like this for ooh, about an hour and they are really itching and it is very difficult for me not to touch or itch things like that but I have been refraining, to no avail. Burn burn burnnnnnnnn. I have no idea why, but my entire family are asleep so I can't even wave my face about at them and get reassurance that I don't have some sort of terrible and deadly face disease. And I was trying to distract myself by watching the first series of Outnumbered on megavideo but then it told me I have exceeded the limit for non paying customers. Woeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, woe woe.

So this is the new year...

2009-01-01T18:12:00.002Z

and, to quote the ever joyous Death Cab For Cutie, I don't feel any different. Apart from the fact that I can still vaguely taste marzipan after I consumed a lot of amaretto. I am quite surprised there was no vomit.

I was going to begin revision (gently, of course) today, but you know. It is probably too early for all that malarky anyway. I have got 27 days until my first exam, which is loads, really.

Instead I have mostly stayed in bed, eaten a sausage butty, cleaned the kitchen, sat on facebook, eaten some selection box treats, sat on facebook some more, etc etc. Now I am waiting in intense anticipation for the new episode of Jonathan Creek. I am so, so excited.

Also, provided I add the clause - except when tired or hungover - to my doing more creative and productive things promise, I have not yet broken my resolutions for 2009. Unless you count accidentally kissing Uncle Terry on the lips as fornicating with inappropriate people. He has a beard, okay?!

I am surprisingly hopeful that the 'letting go' thing is working. After a horrible dream during a late afternoon nap, the things I needed to let go of were particularly playing on my mind. It was like some sort of a warning dream. Like Joseph had about baby Jesus and King Herod. I had wine immediately and mostly forgot about it until I had a few profound thoughts around midnight and, although I despise the whole auld lang syne singing-and-jumping-about tradition, I found some sort of drunken meaning in the lyrics. And the gin I was drinking at the time, probably. I am not entirely sure what auld lang syne is, but it sounds pretty important, so I think I will be quite happy to forget old acquaintance for the sake of it. And before you think I am only wallowing about my own mishaps, I am also referring to important family-related lettings go too. New years are all about second and third and fourth and fifth chances, right?!

So actually I suppose the start of this post was a bit of a lie, really. I guess I do feel a little bit different. Lighter in the mind department, perhaps. Happy new year, eh. Here's to 2009!

2008-12-31T02:05:00.003Z

Gosh. I am now feeling quite overwhelmed as I just read my New Year's Eve horoscope. Apparently I will face 'significant challenges' this year. Not that I expected anything less, but still. 2009 hasn't even started and already, it is looking difficult. However, what is life without a challenge eh?

Anyway. 2008 has been both good and bad, as I suppose most years are. It has had its ups, and its downs (the most notable down of all being my fall down the staircase). I have a feeling that 2009 may contain more promise. I may be wrong, but what is wrong with a bit of optimism? In any case, I have decided my New Year's resolutions are going to be laced with positivity. And possibly a bit of self-restraint as well. I have not quite learnt my lessons from last year's broken resolutions yet.

Resolution number one: Do more productive and creative things with my time.
I can think of countless times this year when I have sat in my room, bored, with no inclination to do anything except for while away my life watching iPlayer, or stalking people on Facebook. But where is the fun in that?! Well.....actually, there is quite a lot of fun in that. But I get the feeling I should be doing something at least vaguely more worthwhile with my time. Current favourite to win the title of Sally's new hobby (because I am determined to acquire one!) is Making Cupcakes, after I lost about half an hour of my life to this blog earlier. Seriously though, even researching my dissertation (aaaaaaaaaaaaah!) would be more creative than most things I find myself doing in my room.

Resolution number two: Sign up for a volunteering project and actually go to it.
The instant I return to Sheffield I am waltzing in to the volunteering office and demanding to be allowed to volunteer. I will not let the people who reside there make me feel like a paedophile but with hindsight from my last visit there perhaps I should bear in mind that "I'll do anything with children" probably isn't that much of an acceptable sentence to them from a 20 year old stranger who is also flustered and panting.

Resolution number three: Think positive thoughts.
I used to be really good at this and I think in my old age I have been allowing myself to get a little bitter about things. But there is nothing good ever comes from thinking negatively so from now on, for every single thing I think I have to find at least one positive aspect to it. For example, even if the thought is - "bollocks, I've broken my leg" - I have to have a positive counter-thought, for example "nevermind though, I will get down Conduit Road much quicker in a wheelchair".

Resolution number four: Stop fornicating with inappropriate people.
Fair enough this has only happened twice this year (at least, as far as I can recollect). Oh wait, okay, three times? Either way, that is at least a half of the inappropriate fornicating I partook in in 2007. However, until my inappropriate fornication rate is zero, I will not be satisfied. I still blush and start to quiver a bit (and I do not mean in a good way) when I think about one particular event in November. No more!! From now on, I do not kiss, grope, or anything else, anybody inappropriate. At all. The Inappropriate Category includes:
Those Which Have Girlfriends
or
Those Which I Have Only Met That Night - and it does not matter if they are friends of friends - this only makes it worse really as they are likely to pop up when you least expect it and make you go red. Sometimes they will be looking for closed down shops in Piccadilly station, other times they might be writing an essay in the IC. It is not worth the risk.
or
Those Which I Have Kissed (or anything else-d) Before.

Resolution number five: Let Go.
By this, I mean, let go of all the things I need to get over. Let go of any remaining jealousy I may contain (I am going to be drinking a lot of alcohol tomorrow night to help me do this before midnight). Let go of inhibitions (I know I do not seem to have these often but I tell you, they strike me at the worst of moments - sometimes I just stand there goldfishing instead of saying what is in my head). Let go of worrying about what other people think. Let go of caring if I offend someone when they are doing my head in. Gosh, I am letting go of a lot of stuff, here. Maybe I'll stop now.

So, for this year, that is all. I am quite glad to be saying goodbye to 2008, but only on the conditon that 2009 is going to be better. I guess that only time will tell. If this blog lives to see its second birthday, I am intrigued as to what this post will be like this time next year. And all of the ones in between. Crikey.

2008-12-30T14:56:00.003Z

Wowee. This blog is over one year old. Happy birthday, blog! I seriously contemplated deleting the entire thing the other day after the hideous discovery of THREE entire blogs I created years ago and subsequently forgot how to log in to - until I discovered the username recovery system. What a lol that was. However, I have decided that I have improved at blog writing these days - I am now much less self-incriminating (this probably applies to real life too, apart from the odd occasion on which I get horrendously intoxicated and fall down stairs), and much more ambiguous. Well, I don't use names. So, blog lives to fight another day.

Anyway, I have not got much to blog about in the way of Christmas. Bits of it were nice, bits of it were horrible. Drank too much, ate too much. Laughed, cried. Watched The Royle Family Christmas special. You know, the usual. I do not really want to go in to the last few days at all (the highlight of this week so far has been a visit to The Trafford Centre - need I say any more?!). But whilst navigating the first few posts of this blog (and discovering it celebrated its first birthday the other day - something of a world blog record for me) I found a quiz. Obviously, last year it was about 2007. So this one, is about 2008. Onwards!

In 2008 have you...
broken a promise[x]
made a new best friend []
fallen in love []
fallen out of love[]
done something you swore never to do[x]
lied [x]
stole []
went behind your parent's back []
done something that you will never forget [x]
gone out with more then 10 people []
cried over a broken heart/or your own[]
cried yourself to sleep[x]
kissed someone you loved []
lost a pet []
disappointed someone close [x]
hidden a secret [x]
pretended to be happy[x]
got arrested[]
kissed in the rain []
slept under the stars[]
kept your new years resolution[]
forgot your new years resolution[]
met someone who changed your life []
met one of your idols []
gotten in a fist fight[]
did something you regret [x]
lost something you will never get back [x] - my dignity, mainly.
changed your outlook on life[x]
pretended to be sick []
left the country []
almost died[]
given up something important to you []
lost something expensive []
ate a whole box of ice cream[]
learned something new about yourself [x]
lost a friend[]
got a new job [x] - two whole ones!
tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it [x]
started a new trend[]
pretended you were a lion[]
wanted to be a lion[]
redid your wardrobe[x]
made a change in your life[x]
found out who your true friends were[x]
made a total fool of yourself[x]
met great people [x]

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Found a psycho housemate on the internet.
Ate sweet potatoes, and houmous, and falafel. A LOT.
Handed out flyers.
Dyed my own hair.
Worked in a call centre.
Paid bills.
Broke a staircase.
There are other things I can think of too, but they are too vulgar.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No I didn't. And I might. I am thinking on it. I think I ought to.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, my cousin had a gorgeous baby girl named Olivia.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thankfully.
5. What countries did you visit?
I don't think I have been out of England this year. How depressing.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More motivation. More excitement. Less errors of judgement on my part. Less drama.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I can't really think in dates, but events. Erm. I guess a lot has happened, really. My gran went in to a home. There were several drunken nights I wont be forgetting in a while. We moved in to two different abodes in Sheffield (once with a wannabe drag queen in tow). We had parties. I became 20.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I passed my first year. I had a few culinary adventures. I have managed to not run out of pennies. I have remained composed in a few uncomfortable situations, I suppose. Mostly in conversations about IKEA kitchens and lip gloss.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I don't know. Obviously the drunken and sometimes boy related mishaps. Other than that I think I have failed to think as positively as I should. Next year I am going to be a big bundle of positivity and joy. Really.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had the flu, oh the flu, it was terrible. I fell down the stairs and bashed my head. I gave myself very very hurty feet for weeks after wearing stupid shoes for my first day in the call centre when we walked round the entire of Leeds.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Wine.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everybodies I suppose, sometimes at least.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine. The House Boy's. My mother's.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and alcohol and food and bills.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The House of Damp Slag (obviously before it was damp). The Loveshack. Parties. Nights out. Gigs. Going home. Going back to Sheffield. Etc.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Regrettably, Sex on Fire. Loads of good ones too though mostly from dancing in Transmission. Bob Marley. Especially Buffalo Soldier. Especially Cat's rendition.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? similar
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? richer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Work. Partying. Probably a bit of a contradiction, but.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastinating. Whinging.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my mum, dad, sister, gran and great uncle. We had turkey. And wine.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nah.
23. How many one-night stands?
Arrrrgh, two.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Survivors or Outnumbered or Gavin and Stacey or The One Show.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
26. What was the best book you read?
Marian Keyes - The Other Side of the Story.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't know, I haven't listened to that much new music, really.
28. What did you want and get?
Passed first year, got to live in The Loveshack, jobs.
29. What did you want and not get?
?
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I haven't really seen many new films. I saw Twilight the other day though and that was quite good.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 20. On my actual birthday I went for curry with my family, but the celebrations were elongated for about a week due to an 'unofficial birthday' facebook event, whereby I went out in Bradford on Saturday and everybody thought it was my birthday.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I don't know.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
I don't really have a personal fashion concept.
34. What kept you sane?
Food, sleep, wine, Cat, Claire in lectures, some branches of my family, people in general, dancing.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ooh. Robert Webb. Alan Davies.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Not sure. I was glad Obama won.
37. Who did you miss?
It depends where I am. When I am in Bradford, I miss Sheffield people. When I am in Sheffield, I miss Bradford people. So at some point I've probably missed everyone.
38. Who was the best new person you met in 2008?
The people in the call centre, especially Amit who kept me on my toes by throwing elastic bands. I think I already knew everybody else, whether I had any recollection of meeting them in 2007 or not.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Don't drink vodka. Never turn down an opportunity, unless it could result in disease.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
I don't really know that one possibly could.

2008-12-22T14:51:00.001Z

Oh my God. I am twenty tomorrow. Omgomgomgomgomg.

Argh, bollocks, fuck, shit, twat, etccccccc.

I am very sad. I need alcohol.

2008-12-21T17:29:00.002Z

Ooh, I am not very good at this blog updatey lark either, it would seem. I am now at home in Bradford for Christmas. It is quite nice, but I feel a family row coming along. Probably on Christmas day. Probably involving Hypochondriac-possibly-mental Grandma. In fact, definitely on Christmas day. Definitely involving Hypochondriac-possibly-mental Grandma. Argh.

Aside from that, things are quite good.

In the last week of being in Sheffield, all sorts of things happened. Probably that is why I forgot to blog.

Anyway, Cat and I had our last night at the Carling Academy before it becomes the O2 Academy in the new year (I think it does, anyway). It was ace, and we saw the Futureheads (they were pretty dire but you know, we saw them for free, effectively, ner ner ner ner ner, etc) and we danced and no longer felt ill from our terrible bout of flu. Good times.

We also had a party and it was much nicer and more successful than the last one we had. There was wine, and beer, and sausage rolls, and everyone was happy. Except for when the girls from down the road hijacked the TV and subjected everyone in the front room to the Xtra Factor. They're nice really, though. Except when they are stealing Cat's sister's beer. Or watching the X Factor.

I also got asked on a date (I know!!) at the party. And I went. And it was nice. But you know. I am not going to stress out about it, or jinx anything by blogging about it. We will see what happens.

Then I had the assignments of DOOM to complete and hand in, which I very sleepily managed. I dread to think how badly wrong I probably went with the stats assignment, but such is life.

Then there was lots of wine drinking (mmmmmmmm) and Christmas-themed music channel watching and present exchanging (I got penis pasta!!!!! And lots of exceptionally lovely non-penis-related things, too) in the Loveshack. There was also lots of cleaning up which was completely neglected by the boy, much to our anger. However, you know what, it is Christmas and I do not have to see him for an entire month, so never mind. Though if he ever makes pancakes and does not clean after himself again, I may be forced to kill him. Ew.

Then I came home.....and here we are. Yesterday my Forgetful Grandma came round for a brew. She had no idea where she was, or who we were for the most part but she seemed happy, which is all I really care about. Today I went to see my eccentric (read: slightly crazy, raised in the Nazi Youth, yet lovely) step-grandma. Which is always a joy. My auntie and uncle and cousins came round too and I had not seen them for about, ooh, a year. Funnily enough, it was quite a nice few hours and not at all unpleasant (as I think we were all expecting it to be).

I expect the next week or so is probably going to mostly consist of more family visits, rows, etc. And turkey. And ALCOHOL. Hopefully with a few nights out chucked in there. I am turning 20 on Tuesday after all, and am thoroughly depressed about the whole thing. If becoming old is not an excuse to get drunk and dance like a madwoman then I do not know what is. Then it will be 2009. Goshhhh. I wonder what that year will bring with it.

2008-12-10T22:46:00.003Z

Arghhhhhh.

I am really not cut out for this uni lark.

My stats assignment consists of a graph which is not formatted in the way the lecturer asked for because openoffice.org calc is SHIT and ruins everything I transfer to it that I have done on normal Excel on a normal, fully functioning computer that does not belong to a shitwit who does not have Microsoft Office. And the graph is the least of my worries because the actual stats? Mean nothing to me. I just sat staring at them for about ten minutes and eventually I gave up. I am going to have to do something about them soon. Though what, I do not know.

In other more positive news, I I have completed the majority of my Christmas shopping and I am quite pleased with myself about it as usually I leave it to the last minute. I think everyone might actually like their presents and for once I didn't buy any novelty tat which seems like such a good idea at the time but nobody actually appreciates or uses. Apart from one item of, well, filth really, but it's okay because that was only a stocking filler (well, wrapping paper filler if you would) to go with something nicer, and I am fairly sure the recipient will appreciate it. Haa.

I also bought some beautiful fairy lights for my room. They are shaped like stars and they make me happy. Very happy. I also bought some knickers, which I found quite exciting myself (despite the fact they were from Primark), but that is by the by.

And and and, I had a reeeeeeeeally tasty tea before of stir fry with some amazing 3 minute noodles that I had never used before. And then after I had some roast beef monster munch and then after that I had a ham and fake plastic cheese butty.

See, I am happy, I am just going to maybe fail one of my assignments. Such is life. It will be okay in the end, worst comes to worst I will just cry on Spike and he will tell me what to do.

2008-12-03T21:55:00.002Z

I am a very odd combination of both sleepy and giddy. Mostly sleepy, but Paul Simon just came on my iPod. Today, I went to the pub for dinner with John and I had some nasty tasting fish and chips but it was lovely to see him and he also agreed that if I am childless and unmarried by the age of 30 he will impregnate me. I am excited by this, as I want my babies to have afros. Really. I also went to the LIBRARY (shock horror) where I made a GRAPH. AND calculated some descriptive statistics. And just now, I copied up some lectures I have missed. I am still lagging behind by around 6 lectures but nonetheless, yay for productivity. I can't quite believe it. I may break off for a sugar-based treat now though, all the staring at powerpoint files has got to my eyessssss.

2008-12-02T01:50:00.003Z

Well, I have still not left the house since Friday evening (and that was only a short venture to the Co-op for, well, mince pies mostly. Very nice they were too), and yet I still only have 300 words of this essay written. I do not even know where I am going with it. I don't even know what I am doing with my life this week. I have got loads of work to do but I also feel very cabin feverish after my entire week spent indoors. It is hard to know what to do for the best. At the minute I am thinking EAT. There is gaps down the sides of my jeans that you could fit, well, allsorts down. I can get them off and on without undoing the zip or buttons. If anyone is looking for a successful diet though, try flu. I wouldn't mind so much but I can't particularly afford new jeans.
I am going home this weekend though, so no doubt I will get fed up there. In both senses, probably, as I don't think anybody is up for going out. But yay food.

I was meant to be going to sleep when I came up to bed at half past eleven but somehow I got waylaid watching Survivors and Outnumbered on iPlayer and now it is two and I am still not really even tired. And I have a lecture at nine. And I am GOING.

2008-11-30T01:05:00.002Z

I have to write a 1500 word essay on Phrenology. So far I have 73 (61 if you discount the title), and am still not entirely sure I know what Phrenology actually is. Also, you might have thought I would have recovered from my illness which began all that way back on Monday by now but alas no, I only managed to dress myself for the first time yesterday. Fingers crossed the worst is over now, but Cat and I have both been very, very poorly and boy has been very, very unhelpful. Not that I would expect anything else, but still, even if I hated my housemates I would ask if they wanted some milk for brews from the shop if I thought they were DYING and might struggle to get to the Co-Op.

Anyway, thankfully I feel slightly more normal than I have all week (apart from the occasional coughing fit) and this means I should at least make it in for my lectures next week. I fully intend to have done the first draft of this essay by my first lecture on Tuesday morning. I am even going to go to the scary library on Monday. Maybe.

2008-11-24T22:13:00.002Z

Oh, I really do not feel well. Oh oh ohhhhhhhhh. All I have managed to eat today is a strawberry flavoured yoghurt, some tomato soup, and some spaghetti and sausages (of the Heinz tinned variety, of course. Although I did manage to walk to the co-op for them without dying. I wore a wooly hat, scarf, mittens, a cardigain, a hoody and my big coat, and I looked HOT.). My throatttttt, my headddddd. Whinge whinge whinge, etc. Need brewwwwwww. Have already had about 6 billion cups of tea, but need more. Must move from my bed of woe once more. Gah. May go camp under the sofa blanket for a while actually. I was there before and quite content with easy-ish kettle access until the boy came in and started talking about how the people on telly were "fatties who can't get sex". Knob offfffffffff.

2008-11-21T18:51:00.002Z

I would like to say that today I have been productive, but that would be a lie. I missed my only lecture, for starters. This happened for several reasons, two of which were not my fault. The first one being that Claire pre-decided not to go to lecture last night (I hate it when she does that. Not only does it put me off from attending, it gives me the entire night preceeding the lecture to contemplate not going to it as well). The other, and most annoying, reason being that just as I was about to get out of bed and get in the shower at the same time as I do every bloody Friday morning, the boy leapt in to the bathroom and proceeded to poo noisily, with intermittent giggling and nose blowing, for TWENTY MINUTES. Eventually I decided to get dressed and put off washing my hair until later. So I did. This then left me with a good half an hour to have breakfast AND a brew (which was even lovingly made for me by Cat). In the end up, the third reason (also the only valid reason by this stage) for my absence in the lecture theatre was the thought of listening to Bald Larry drawl about American things on my own. Pathetic, I know.

So, what did I do then, you may ask. Did I go to the library and read loads of books? Did I copy up the lecture notes I had missed? No. I went shopping and I bought unecessary underwear, bobbles, hair clips and earrings. I then went to the doctors where I spent AN HOUR of my life in total, just to get a repeat prescription. Not only did I have to wait for 20 minutes after my appointment was supposed to be to get seen, I was then asked in detail about my sex life (this is never an exciting story), encouraged to get a chlymidia test "just to give you peace of mind" - I am sure it was really because as she was thrusting free condoms at me (I kid you not) she asked if I wanted her to demonstrate how to put them on, and I rather overenthusiastically giggled and said "no you're alright thanks!". Well what do you expect me to say after she had just spent a good minute fondling her breasts whilst showing me how to self-check for lumps?! When I finally got away from the awkward questions, I had to queue at reception for my prescription behind a boy who wasn't even registered with the health service, and then I had to queue in the chemist to pick it up, and then I walked home and got hailed on and almost blown backwards down a hill by the wind.

Despite all of this though, today has been quite nice. I feel much better than I did yesterday and tonight we are going out and I can not wait. I am going to wear all of my unecessary shopping items from today and there is going to be lots of dancing and drinking and absolutely no debaucherous behaviour, at all. Lol, lol, lol.

2008-11-20T19:12:00.002Z

Gosh, I have not blogged in a long time. Well, a week. Quite a lot has happened. I have actually completed and handed in some real life work. That was boring. I have also done something I had never done before (that wasn't wholly inappropriate) and went to a comedy night. That was fun. I have also done other exciting things that I have done quite a lot before like eat roasted vegetables and drink wine whilst listening to depressing music. It makes things better though, and this year we have a sofa and a blanket to ease the pain (of the floor) so that makes everything seem a bit nicer. I also went to see Death Cab For Cutie incredibly unexpectedly and for free. That was slightly depressing, but I had a nice time.

Today I have not done much apart from have my grammar and essay writing skillz criticised by a mathematician, and listen to a bald American called Larry talk about how in the Outer Hebrides, body lice were a sign of good health because when people "got sick", their body temperature rose and the lice fucked off to live on someone less warm. The landlord came round and there were no stray broken-off bits of wood knocking around, nor were any unfamiliar boys sat in our front room wearing no pants. I think we are staying here next year, which is nice, and finding another new person again. This time I think we should have auditions and interviews, like a reality TV show, I swear. The boy was knocked out on the weekend playing rugby (so he tells us, I like to imagine in my head that someone just punched him) and got concussion. Apparently this means he cannot go anywhere, do anything, and clean anything so it would seem, for about 3 weeks. I really beg to differ. It is like living with Steptoe.

I feel a bit lurgy-ish tonight so am dosing myself up on ibuprofen and drinking copious amounts of water. I bet the germs are shitting themselves. I might even eat an apple. To be honest I am probably just thirsty because all I seem to have had to drink the past few days is wine and diet coke. Which is hardly sensible, really. I think I will just drink pints of water and go to sleep early and then tomorrow I will be superly energised for going out. Which I am incredibly excited about.

2008-11-11T13:00:00.003Z

I hate myself, for I am a ridiculous and terrible human being. And I have disgusted myself, again. I have also broken the staircase in our house and consequently have bruises everywhere and a very sore head. Hello, November! I remember you from last time around. Oh, dear.

So far in reading week there has been no reading. From now on I swear I am hitting the books because I do not trust myself with alcohol any more. I am like one of those government warning adverts for binge drinking.

I wish I could see the funny side of this at all.